If we’ve learned one thing from this morning’s Royal Wedding gala extravaganza hullabaloo, it’s that British parades are kinda sucky. If we’ve learned two things from this morning’s et al, it’s that if your pre-printed near future stationary and business cards read “Mutha fuckin’ KING y’all” you can get away with being more or less homely and — VROOM!
Archive for April, 2011
Love. It’ll make you do crazy things. Like, spell out your crush’s name in alphabet soup and text them a picture of it. Maybe hide little love notes in the Sunday classifieds. Or, if you’re really in love, cut off your beloved’s head in front of a school full of people fully not intending to be covered in neck — VROOM!
Hey everyone, wow, we’re really sorry that this whole Obama/birth certificate thing got so way out of freakin’ control. We forgot that it was in the back of our van the whole time. Whoopsie right?? Silly us, we totally forgot that on one of our last roadtrips, Obama had it in his wallet and let — VROOM!
We can name more Jersey Shore cast members than our state’s Senators. We have commercials telling our kids to go outside and play. We are steaming into the twenty first century, powered by wheezing, poisonous 19th century technology. And the little pocket sized super computer that we bought six months ago, that tiny little thing that would have — VROOM!
Helen Beard, a tourist from England, who was vacationing in the posh environment of an Econo Lodge in Orlando, Florida, is being regarded as “an angel sent from Heaven” for catching a toddler who fell from the fourth floor balcony. The two year old, Jah-Nea Myles, didn’t have a single scratch or bruise even after — VROOM!
Easter is traditionally celebrated for two things: a) the brutal shit kicking of Jesus Horatio Christ, culminating in his being affixed to a tree and propped up in Rome’s front yard like a pink flamingo that’s been kicked in the face for an hour. You know, for you and your stupid sins. And 2) delicious seasonal candies. — VROOM!
That’s French … for Aflac. The fine people here at VFoC really pride ourselves in the ways of creativity and in our all out effort in participation, sharing, volunteerism, sharing, caring and lots and lots of hugs. So when Aflac so abruptly fired Gilbert Gottfried and started a social media blitz to find a new voice for — VROOM!
If what I’ve over heard while not really listening can be trusted as complete and total fact, 97.3% of Americans are out of work. I, personally, work out of the Van making literally tens of people every day sort of almost chuckle, so as far as I’m concerned the unemployed can suck it. And apparently “insiders” agree — VROOM!
I’m noticing a very strange and scary trend happening in the world right now, and it’s making me very uncomfortable, as it should you too. As I was watching a rerun of House, the medical show with the guy who has a cane and walks around with a limp, acting all “smarter than thou” and — VROOM!
Thank you all so much for participating in our little contest experiment fun time jamboree. We had fun putting it on and we hope you had fun entering and voting. We want to do something like this again someday when we figure out what the hell it is we want to do. But now, we — VROOM!