OMG Ya’ll! O to the MUTHA FUCKIN’ G!!! Did you hear? Did you hear the news!? Justin Timberlake owns My[_____]! I know! Well when I heard the news, I leapt out of my chair and kissed the nearest homeless person. Then I gave them a dollar to stop screaming at me. When we at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
Archive for June, 2011
We love My[ _____ ] now, Justin! Love us!
June 30th, 2011 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment News, Justin Timberlake, MySpace, Social Media, World News 
Tags: Andy Samberg, Charlie Sheen, Chop Me Up, Friends with Benefits, Justin Timberlake, Kim Kardashian, Love Stoned, My, MySpace, News Corp, SexyBack, space, Specific Media, Summer Love, Until the End of Time, What Goes Around 
1 Comment »Happy Birthday iPhone, You Skinny Bitch
June 29th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been four whole years since we started dating. It only seems like yesterday when your camera only had 2 megapixels and you still had your cute baby fat which I was really attracted to. You were such a simpler girlfriend back then, so much nicer, you used to be — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Comedy, Holiday, Love, Products, Technology Tags: Anniversary, Apple, Apps, Birthday, Hollywood, iPhone, iPhone 4, Shazam No Comments »Sweden Wants to Steal Your Baby's Genitals
June 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones As men, our number one mission in life is to ensure that no harm comes to our external reproductive organs. Above all else, this is our divine purpose in life. Our very existence revolves around the grandeur and majesty of our god granted penis. But if it were up to Sweden our magnificent boy glands would be treated as no more special than the common vagina! — VROOM!
Posted in Busy Body, Education, Gay, World News Tags: bisexual, Davis, Egalia, gay, giraffe, homosexual, homosexual propaganda, Jay Belsky, kindergarten, Lego, lesbian, Lotta Rajalin, penis, polygamy, preschool, Stockholm, Storm Stocker, Sweden, Swedish Science Council, transgender, University of California, vagina 1 Comment »Sunday, Monday (Not So) Happy Days
June 27th, 2011 Jason Whitesel The safe, happy go lucky, fun, Americana days of television have decided to not lie dormant in our hearts as a great television series any longer. No, the wonderful show Happy Days has been recently infected with the long battled disease of HollywoodyWantyMoney Flu, and has decided to enter into the 21st century of jaded actors and frivilous lawsuits. The epitome of — VROOM!
Celebrity News: So Crazy, it's True
June 24th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Celebrities, they’re who we pretend we’re having sex with when we’re just giving it to the ol’ lady because it feels like it’s probably about time that we should. Celebrities live lives that are too ridiculous to be believed most of the time, flying around the world and being interviewed about the latest thing they — VROOM!
Hey Poor People: Go Fuck Yourself
June 23rd, 2011 Jesse Jones It’s no secret that the rich despise the poor. This hatred stems from a couple very different, very dark places in the place that at one time may or may not have housed a soul. Either 1) the rich person was once poor, and the very sight of the un-monied sends shivers down their spine, reminding them of the life — VROOM!
The Official VFoC Music Video (Sorta) In The Works!
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy Oh god, we’re ruined! … Let me explain… I’m (Jesse) a huge fan of Tally Hall (going to see them at the Troubadour, August 2nd, let me know if you’ll be there, we can hang, maybe become besties and braid each other’s hair…) a difficult to categorize and describe indy band out of Ann Arbor, Michigan. I — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Audio, Contest, Entertainment News, Social Media Tags: contest, Good & Evil, iTunes, Music Video, Quack Media, rototiller, soviet communications satellite, Tally Hall No Comments »VFoC "LIVE" on The Comedy Buffet's Podcast
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy The good fellas at The Comedy Buffet were kind enough to let us stink up their otherwise hilarious podcast the other night. We’d like to apologize in advance for our uncontrolable crass behavior, rude language, and complete disregard to fat kids, cross-dressing boys, and religion in general, … yeah right, who am I kidding? Let’s face it, — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Death, End of the World, Headlines, Interview, Opinions, Podcasts, Rants, Religion Tags: Diabetes, End of the world, god, Harold Camping, JDRF, Jesus, KFC, Rapture, Sacramento Comedy Spot, Sam Saurs, Sedgwick Junior High School No Comments »Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?
June 21st, 2011 Jesse Jones Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier! Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Busy Body, Health, Stupid laws Tags: American Way, Atari 2600, cancer, chainsaw, cigarettes, E.T., FDA, Food and Drug Administration, Jesus, Oxycontin Express, smoking, tobacco 2 Comments »An Open Letter To Katy Perry & Kenny G : Last Friday Night
June 20th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Dear Super-Hott Katy Perry & That Spiral Permed Douchebag Kenny G.: I was so fuckin’ pissed quite disappointed today when I finally got to see your new, super perky, bubble-gum 80′s themed music video “Last Friday Night”. Now don’t get me wrong, there was absolutely NOTHING you did personally wrong Katy, I mean, you were so pettable in — VROOM!
