November 30th 2012 – After the inadvertent release of indisputable scientific and theological confirmation of the Mayan calendar’s grim prediction of the end of the world and with a now hard, verified three weeks remaining in the very existence of the planet Earth and all of mankind, the peoples of the world, finally seeing above — VROOM!
Archive for November, 2011
Women like it slow, but if this is the kind of slow that they mean, then I’m gonna go grab a sandwich and I’ll be back when you’re good and worked up, in say, oh … two hours. The porn industry is a multi-ka-trillbion dollar industry. It’s everywhere you look and everywhere you don’t want — VROOM!
We all overate this past week, and we’re all still eating the leftovers pretending those calories don’t count, well, because they’re leftovers and only the original three meals make us fat. Well if you want to melt those holiday pounds right off your skeleton, then look no further. We here at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
Just in time for Christmas: the holy celebration of the birth of the one true lord who shall judge us all at the right hand of the father as we pass from this mortal realm to the infinite of our judgement, the folks at American Atheist have introduced America’s new favorite super team: M.Y.T.H.S.! (Mentoring Youths — VROOM!
Well shit, if I knew that the best way to rustle up some “excitement” and get this website viral was to give some peaceful activists the what-for, I would have called it Van Full of Pepper Spray from the get-go and driven from protest to protest gleefully spraying people in their stupid protesting face. Damn! — VROOM!
A couple years ago, 2008 to be exact (the year 2008, not 2008 years ago, I really don’t want to talk about that time… it still hurts.), I set about on a quest. But before we get there, I guess I should recap it all from the beginning, if’n I’m’a gonna. In April 2006 I needed a creative outlet. — VROOM!
Yesterday, VFoC’s own Jesse J. wrote about China and how they’re completely out of control and making us literally shit our pants. Funny he should say SHIT (I could be paraphrasing), because that’s what China is doing to us, YET AGAIN, today. Not only are WE shitting our pants, but the crazy muthafukkin Chinese, well — VROOM!
China is going to murder us from the sky! How do I know? The Googles! The Googles told me! … GOOGLES! Alright, let me back up here, this may require slightly more explanation than me shouting “The Googles” at you until it makes sense. That could take days. Days that WE DON’T HAVE! First, take a — VROOM!
Holy crap !! When I read today that Justin Timberlake had attended the Marine Corps Ball over the weekend, I thought “Oh my GAWD, did I accidentally stand up Cameron Diaz?”. For whatever crazy reason, I forgot to put the Fondue Fun Night at The Melting Pot in my calendar, but in a fortunate scheduling — VROOM!
We here at Van Full of Candy have a long history with partying and drinking, so when we heard what the brilliant kids in Arizona were doing, we decided to make our own list of ways to absorb firewater in ways that will make even the most hardened heroin addict cringe, well, we’d like to — VROOM!