How come I have to read about this fucking story a few hours after eating a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for lunch? Why? Because it’s God’s way of pecking me to death. Thanks God. Enter … Pink Slime. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to McDonald’s drive-thru, Mickey D’s has done — VROOM!
Archive for January, 2012
I’ll Take a Pink Slime Pounder, Large Fries, and Large Cup of Ammonia
January 31st, 2012 
Jason Whitesel 
Candy for the Ears: The New VFoC LIVE Podcast!
January 26th, 2012 Van Full of Candy We live in a society where we are being constantly bombarded with sights and sounds, information, flashy lights and bright colors all fighting for our precious attentions. Until very recently Van Full of Candy has only existed in a very small sliver of the noisescape’s peripherie. For the last year you’ve read our words usually on a daily basis — VROOM!
Tacos For Tolerance
January 25th, 2012 Jesse Jones If telling hispanic latino Mexicanians that you’re going to eat a taco won’t make ‘em happy, then holy frijole, what in the heck will?! Apparently, this week the FBI arrested four East Haven, Connecticut police officers on charges that they “conspired to deprive some residents, particularly Latinos, of their constitutional rights”, including “multiple counts of — VROOM!
Posted in Examination, Stupidity 
Tags: Connecticut, David Rosen, East Haven, hispanic, Joseph Maturo, latino, Matt DeRienzo, New England, racist, tacos, Tijuana 
2 Comments »
VFoC Video — “Shit Carnies Say”
January 24th, 2012 Van Full of Candy Carnival folk, they live a life that most of us could never imagine. Subsiding on the corn dogs, cotton candy and popcorn left over at the end of the night and spending what little money they make assembling rickety fun wheels in department store parking lots, on home made, bathtub speed. It’s the kind of — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Featured, Men's Health, Videos, YouTube Tags: Bad Teeth, Carny, Circus, Fair, meth, Midway, philosophers, Port-a-let, speed No Comments »
VFoC Video — “Dudecanoe”
January 20th, 2012 Van Full of Candy Corrupt cops in the pockets of the criminals who’re REALLY running the streets. A system designed to protect the guilty even more than the innocent. In a world gone mad, maybe it’s the bat shit craziest ass hole who’s really the sanest of them all! Shooting first and not asking questions, kicking ass and not taking — VROOM!
Posted in Featured, Videos Tags: cop drama, corrupt, crazy asshole, crime, Dudecanoe, eat one, senseless, shoot first No Comments »
Van Full of Candy’s End of the World Year Predictions
January 19th, 2012 Van Full of Candy It hardly seems worth making predictions this year. As everyone is surely aware, this year isn’t going to be as long as they have been in the past. You can blame the stupid Mayans and their dumb calendar for that bunk. So with those ten fewer days at the end of not only this year, — VROOM!
Posted in End of the World, Predictions Tags: 2012, Barack Obama, Beaver, cruise ship, Decfember 21st, Donald Trump, End of the world, Facebook, Google, Green Bay Packers, iPhone, Iran, Italy, Love Boat, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mitt Romney, NCAA, New Orleans Saints, Ryan Seacrest, Santorum, Steve Jobs, Super Bowl, Tim Tebow, Titanic No Comments »
Sorry Folks, Internet’s Closed. Moose Out Front Shoulda Told Ya
January 18th, 2012 Jesse Jones It’s unfortunate, we had an incredible article planned for you today. It had dinosaurs, and robots and a bald eagle punching Hitler in the taint with a star spangled boxing glove. We put together a video which showed the two of us hang gliding off of Mount Rushmore, shooting machine guns into the air and — VROOM!
Posted in Internet, Stupid laws Tags: America the Beautiful, Dave Barry, Hitler, internet, Kate Middleton, PIPA, SOPA, taint No Comments »Try Our New Super BK Lazy Ass Meal
January 17th, 2012 Jason Whitesel We all understand that fast food isn’t good for us, we get that, it isn’t a secret, but sometimes you just have to make a run to McDonald’s, or Jack, or Carl’s, or Wendy’s, or the BK. Too tired to cook, and too lazy to go hunting, you get off the couch, drive your car — VROOM!
1 Vagina, 2 Vagina, 3 Vagina, 4
January 13th, 2012 Jason Whitesel As a guy, when I first heard about this story, my first impression is “fuck yeah, let’s do this!”, but when I didn’t get a return call, I had a lot of time to reflect on the situation. Let’s rewind shall we? As I stumbled around my living area this morning, I, what my grandparents — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Health, Hot Chicks, Science, Sex, True Story, YouTube Tags: Hazel Jones, Science Class, threesome, Vaginas 4 Comments »
We Want BORING Porn !!!
January 12th, 2012 Jason Whitesel Porn. It’s naughty, it’s fun, it’s my best friend on a late, lonely Wednesday night whilst sadly looking through yearbooks of all the friends I never had and all the empty pages without signatures and cool sayings like “Stay Cool this Summer”. Play, pause, fast forward, oh wait, yeah, just like that, pause, on your — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Men's Health, Porn, Sex, Women's Health Tags: Condoms, Laws, Los Angeles, Masturbation, Midgets, Nuns No Comments »
