It’s safe to say that the medical community and I often don’t see eye to eye. What they call a cancerous tumor ravaging an otherwise perfectly healthy body, I like to think of as a super excited lump of meat, just trying to make friends with the rest of your organs as quickly as possible. — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Addiction’ Category
Coffee Can Suck It … I’m Huffing My Caffeine !!
March 7th, 2012 
Jason Whitesel Let’s be honest with ourselves, coffee tastes like shit! But that black liquid crack ass drink can be doctored up enough with 4 or 5 Splenda, 1/4 cup of half & half, a little cinnamon on top and BAMMM!! Something tolerable. But then you really need to take into consideration all the time and preparation — VROOM!
Weight Loss & Muscle Gain … The Van Full of Candy Way
November 28th, 2011 Jason Whitesel We all overate this past week, and we’re all still eating the leftovers pretending those calories don’t count, well, because they’re leftovers and only the original three meals make us fat. Well if you want to melt those holiday pounds right off your skeleton, then look no further. We here at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Comedy, Health, Products 
Tags: Amino Energy, Crack, Optimum Nutrition, Snorting, Weight Loss, Whey Protein, Workout 
3 Comments »RealDoll : Necrophilia Edition
November 9th, 2011 Jason Whitesel In the modern world of online dating, and the availability of “adult services” all over the internet, one would think that hookin’ up with someone shouldn’t be too difficult. There are so many ways to go out and find yourself a live warm one to take home with you, and whether that leads to 1st — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Comedy, Death, Sex Tags: corpses, dolls, graverobber, Madame Alexander, necrophilia, Realdoll No Comments »Smoking DOESN'T Cause Cancer Anymore … So Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em
November 7th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Well thank god THAT’S over … for now anyway. Some federal judge has ruled that the “graphic” images of what smoking will do to you are unconstitutional and go against Big Tobacco’s right to free speech, saying that the pictures are “staged”. So what I’m getting out of this is that since the pictures are — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Comedy, Death, Smoking Tags: Big Tobacco, Drinking, FDA, Graphic Images, Labels, smoking 1 Comment »Not Even Melon Sex is Safe Anymore
October 13th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Gone are the days of a good ‘ol fashion melon pounding thanks to this latest punishment to the people, bestowed upon us by a spiteful and vengeful god. You know, I really don’t understand how a melon STD outbreak is even possible, let alone fair. I mean, what the hell is ‘listeria’ anyway? It’s not — VROOM!
PROOF That Amy Winehouse Was Murdered by Not Drinking!
August 23rd, 2011 Jesse Jones I don’t want to say I told you so. I mean, I’ve told you time and time again about how I hate to be the one to tell you that I told you. If there’s one thing that anyone who knows me can tell you that I’ve told them is that the thing that I — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Alcohol, Celebrity, Death Tags: alcohol, Amy Winehouse, appendix, European Tour, small intestine, The Sun 1 Comment »Van Full of Candy's Guide to Van Full of Candy
August 18th, 2011 Van Full of Candy We like the internet, and judging by the fact that you’re reading this, we can safely assume that you do too. We also know that if you’re anything like us, you’re looking every day for new ways to waste your hours at work pretending to be spread sheeting or otherwise giving a fuck about what you’re — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Facebook, Google, MySpace, Social Media, Twitter, YouTube Tags: Adam McKay, Al Gore, Cat Video, Comedy Whirled, current TV, Empire Avenue, Facebook, fart, foursquare, Funny or Die, Google, Google Plus, internet, Justin Timberlake, Klout, Linked In, MySpace, pornography, spread sheet, twat, tweet, twit, Twitter, Will Ferrell, WordPress, world wide wed, YouTube, Zuckerburg No Comments »Free iPhone 4 … All You Have To Do Is Wash Your Hands !!
August 15th, 2011 Jason Whitesel I know that we have an affinity for our technical devices these days. Not just an affinity, but for most of us, they are an attachment of our arms just past our hands and sometimes to our ears. And for those of us who need this certain device within at least 10 feet of our — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Apple, Comedy, Health, True Story Tags: germs, hand washing, iPhone 4, pool party No Comments »
