Hey everyone, Jason here from VFoC blogging live from a line in front of the mall waiting to get in so I can make the mad dash to the Apple store and buy my unexpensive iPhone 4S. The strange thing about this is that I have an iPhone 4, which is less than a year — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Apple’ Category
A Priest, A Rabbi and an iPhone 5 Walk Into a Bar …
September 1st, 2011 
Jason Whitesel … the bartender says, “What’ll it be fellas?”. The iPhone says, “I don’t know about these two stiffs, but I wanna tie one on and go home with a stranger.”. Ok, so WTF Apple employees? This is beginning to be some sort of alcohol induced habit. You get your prototype, you go out drinking, and — VROOM!
Free iPhone 4 … All You Have To Do Is Wash Your Hands !!
August 15th, 2011 Jason Whitesel I know that we have an affinity for our technical devices these days. Not just an affinity, but for most of us, they are an attachment of our arms just past our hands and sometimes to our ears. And for those of us who need this certain device within at least 10 feet of our — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Apple, Comedy, Health, True Story 
Tags: germs, hand washing, iPhone 4, pool party 
No Comments »Happy Birthday iPhone, You Skinny Bitch
June 29th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been four whole years since we started dating. It only seems like yesterday when your camera only had 2 megapixels and you still had your cute baby fat which I was really attracted to. You were such a simpler girlfriend back then, so much nicer, you used to be — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Comedy, Holiday, Love, Products, Technology Tags: Anniversary, Apple, Apps, Birthday, Hollywood, iPhone, iPhone 4, Shazam No Comments »The Official VFoC Music Video (Sorta) In The Works!
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy Oh god, we’re ruined! … Let me explain… I’m (Jesse) a huge fan of Tally Hall (going to see them at the Troubadour, August 2nd, let me know if you’ll be there, we can hang, maybe become besties and braid each other’s hair…) a difficult to categorize and describe indy band out of Ann Arbor, Michigan. I — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Audio, Contest, Entertainment News, Social Media Tags: contest, Good & Evil, iTunes, Music Video, Quack Media, rototiller, soviet communications satellite, Tally Hall No Comments »iVan Full Of Candy : The Cloud Edition
June 10th, 2011 Jason Whitesel With all this fancy talk about clouds and keeping your music in a cloud and files in a cloud and pudding in a cloud, we here at Van Full of Candy have decided to officially change our name to iVan Full of Candy. Yes, you heard me correctly, we are now in the goddamn holy — VROOM!
Apple unveils "iLand": You're All Going to Die Here
June 9th, 2011 Jesse Jones Steve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000 iTroops for the coming Applegeddon, and there’s precisely not a single damned thing that you or any god being to which you have pledged your eternal soul can do about it. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that getting a discount by signing a — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Conspiracy, End of the World, Science, Technology Tags: Airport, Apple, Applegeddon, Bill Hewlett, california, City Council, Cupertino, David Packard, Devil, Emperor, Gilbert Wong, Highlander, iLand, iPolitician, iTroops, iYear, spaceship, Steve Jobs, Tron 3 Comments »Brain Cancer? There's an App For That.
May 31st, 2011 Jesse Jones Well, the good news is that the asshole sitting in front of you who took that call in the middle of the super dramatic and or touching moment during the last half hour of the future Oscar nominated Kung Fu Panda 2 this Sunday afternoon, and who’s whispering voice is louder than most toddler wails, is going to die a horrible screaming death, — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Health, Science, Technology Tags: AIDS, Apple, brain cancer, cancer, cigarettes, iPhone, iTumor, mictowave, non-ionizing, radiation, Steve Jobs, surgeon general, tumor, wishes 1 Comment »The White, Ambiguously Non-Racist, iPhone 4 Announced
April 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel The multi-billionaire, close to owning the world, old, white, arrogant, eat at the finest restaurants every night, cigar smoking men at Apple have just completely outdone themselves today. They just announced that at the end of this month they will be releasing a white iPhone 4. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Comedy, Products, Rants, Technology Tags: Apple, iPhone, iPhone 4, Racism, Steve Jobs, White 2 Comments »iPad 2 Features Revealed
February 24th, 2011 Jason Whitesel The Apple rumor mill is in full swing this week with rumors of the new iPad. Lucky for you, Van Full of Candy is always on the bleeding edge of technological scuttlebutt. We are forever privy to insider information and are always in the VIP sections of all computer’y thingy’s related soirees where hundreds of — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Products, Retail, Technology Tags: Announcement, Apple, Dr. Shrinker, Etch-a-Sketch, iPad 2, iPad 3, La Marzocco, Mashable, Retina Display, Starbucks, Steve Jobs 1 Comment »
