“Get these monkey fightin’ lesbians off this Monday through Friday plane!” The greatest threat to American air travel, right now, as I am typing this very important piece of internet fluffery, is not exploding shoes, or slightly larger than tiny bottles of shampoo, or the stinky guy. No, commercial air travel enemy number one, is — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Busy Body’ Category
Lesbians Take Down Plane With Heat Seeking Kissle
September 27th, 2011 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Busy Body, Gay, Stupidity 
Tags: airlines, dirigibles, excessive, kiss, Leisha Hailey, lesbian, Southwest, the L word 
No Comments »One Million Moms Hate Balls
September 22nd, 2011 Jesse Jones During the winter break of my Sophomore year at the University of Nevada, Reno (go fighting Soft Sixteens!) I took a backpacking excursion through the inhospitable wilderness of the South American rainforest. I hiked for nine days with my trusty guide Tuo Uu-nu Eepchak. I was but a fool child, ill prepared for the conditions I would face — VROOM!
It's Never Too Early to Learn That You're Not Good Enough
August 25th, 2011 Jesse Jones Hey you, portly meat child, put down that bacon glazed ham turkey and mash your thick, meaty fingers into the keyboard over here, I’ve got something to tell you: You’re not okay! Did you know that people hate fats. They do. Especially fat children. Nobody hates anything in this world more than they hate rotund rotoddlers. — VROOM!
Posted in Books, Busy Body, Stupidity Tags: Body Mass Index, chubby, diet, Do not Dread Wetting the Bed, fatty, Maggie Goes on a Diet, Obese, Paul Kramer 1 Comment »Alrighty Hippies, Cut it Out
August 11th, 2011 Jesse Jones Seriously… Knock it off. We get that everyone’s created equal and that it’s a beautiful thing and that we should all celebrate each other’s differences even though we’re equal and beautiful just the way we differently are. And that’s beautiful. In an equal kind of way. A way that doesn’t discriminate against any other beautiful — VROOM!
Dr. Keith Ablow is Really Angry By How Turned On He Is By Little Girls
August 5th, 2011 Jesse Jones While browsing the e-www’s this afternoon in search of the ridiculous and wrong to scream at, I stopped, as I often do by FOXnews.com. I stumbled upon an article written by a “Dr.” Keith Ablow with the headline “Dr. Keith: Is Vogue Magazine Creating Pedophiles?” I could do a thousand words on the headline alone; the sensationalizing of — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Busy Body, Media, Opinions, Rants, Self Richeousness, Stupidity Tags: Abercrombie and Fitch, Berjuan, Brigette Bardot, cell phone, Dr. Keith, foxnews.com, France, Juicy Couture, Keith Ablow, nipple, pedophile, pimp, Spain, Thylane, Thylane Lena-Rose Loubry-Blondeau, Vogue 4 Comments »Amy Winehouse: Sobered to Death!
July 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones What is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon of gin? NOT doing that exact thing. Amy Winehouse, VOICE of a TENTH of a generation and general pile of human mess, did not die as a result of the excesses of a lifestyle that made her biggest — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Busy Body, Celebrity, Entertainment News Tags: alcohol, Amy Winehouse, drunk, Earth, Family, fluids, gin, No, Norse Myth, Rehab, Roman Orgy, Sheen, sober, Spider-Man, vodka 1 Comment »VFoC's Thursday Post Delayed Due to Sweaty, Sexy Celebration
July 14th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Your regularly scheduled Van Full of Candy Thursday post has been temporarily delayed due to a sudden, raging Soccer on… We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, we just love Soccer so very, very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the Soccer room to Soccer one out… USA! USA! USA!
Posted in Busy Body, Sports, World News Tags: Abby Wambach, France, Germany, Moenchengladbach, semifinal, Soccer, United States, Women's Soccer World Cup 2 Comments »Bulls and Beers: Nothing to Fear
July 7th, 2011 Jesse Jones People do stupid things. To be more accurate, college aged kids do stupid things. To be even more accurate, drunken, college aged kids do stupid things. I wouldn’t know, I was torn from the thigh of Zeus, fully formed, wizened beyond reason and sent here to entertain the masses with my razor sharp wit and imaginative — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Busy Body, Health Tags: alcohol, binge drinking, bulls, college, cunt, goring, Pamplona, penis, psychology, shot, Spain, University of Washington, Zeus No Comments »Sweden Wants to Steal Your Baby's Genitals
June 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones As men, our number one mission in life is to ensure that no harm comes to our external reproductive organs. Above all else, this is our divine purpose in life. Our very existence revolves around the grandeur and majesty of our god granted penis. But if it were up to Sweden our magnificent boy glands would be treated as no more special than the common vagina! — VROOM!
Posted in Busy Body, Education, Gay, World News Tags: bisexual, Davis, Egalia, gay, giraffe, homosexual, homosexual propaganda, Jay Belsky, kindergarten, Lego, lesbian, Lotta Rajalin, penis, polygamy, preschool, Stockholm, Storm Stocker, Sweden, Swedish Science Council, transgender, University of California, vagina 1 Comment »
British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!
We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would — VROOM!
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