The internet: it’s our home. We owe almost our entire existence to that of the internet machine. The internet is important to us, it is our life, our being, without it, we are just two angry drunks shouting at keyboards. But I can’t hump it… yet, anyway. A survey released by the “Boston Consulting Group”, — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category
Thanks to Dave Chappelle for the title of this blog. I had to steal his end of show sound bite because “Bitch, I’m Rich” sounded kinda rude and “I’m a Rich Bitch” sounded like I was a Kardashian, and I really don’t like the taste of unbleached all purpose flour all up in my mouth, — VROOM!
It’s a sad day when teenage girls feel the need to post videos asking others if they think the girl is pretty or ugly. Girls, you are not judged by what you look like! You are not a “Pretty” or “Ugly” status, just ask Angelina Jolie, she’ll tell you. So in an effort to understand — VROOM!
Let’s be honest with ourselves, coffee tastes like shit! But that black liquid crack ass drink can be doctored up enough with 4 or 5 Splenda, 1/4 cup of half & half, a little cinnamon on top and BAMMM!! Something tolerable. But then you really need to take into consideration all the time and preparation — VROOM!
The official day of love, as told to us by a major greeting card corporation, comes once a year and here we are standing three people deep in an aisle of pink picked over rectangles. We stand there with glazed over eyes, a smidge of drool forming in the corner of our mouths, hoping that — VROOM!
Episode 2 of “The Van Full of Candy Show” is in the books and with even fewer hitches than before! We’re slowly but surely figuring this thing out. Sort of, we think… Maybe… Well aside from not being able to be heard over the opening theme… We’ll work that out soon. This week we re-visited — VROOM!
Happy goddamn 200th birthday Charles D., you ornery quill pen scribblin’ literary pimp. You’re lookin’ pretty good for being a couple Benjamins old, what’s your secret? Bikram yoga? Damn, that’s pretty badass Chuck. You don’t mind if I call you Chuck do ya? I tried that hot yoga shit once and damn near pulled my — VROOM!
Remember Madonna? Yeah, she was that blonde super popstar singer who wore all kinds of crazy outfits and sang about sex and religion and emerged from an egg at the Grammy Awards? No wait, she was the one who made super erotic music videos pushing the boundaries of feminism while wearing crazy makeup and pranced — VROOM!
How come I have to read about this fucking story a few hours after eating a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for lunch? Why? Because it’s God’s way of pecking me to death. Thanks God. Enter … Pink Slime. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to McDonald’s drive-thru, Mickey D’s has done — VROOM!
Carnival folk, they live a life that most of us could never imagine. Subsiding on the corn dogs, cotton candy and popcorn left over at the end of the night and spending what little money they make assembling rickety fun wheels in department store parking lots, on home made, bathtub speed. It’s the kind of — VROOM!