Cryptozoology | Van Full of Candy

Archive for the ‘Cryptozoology’ Category

Van Full of Candy: Hunters of the Impossible!

October 5th, 2011

Jesse Jones

Greetings adventurers! It has been many days since our last correspondence, I apologize, I have been kept away from my leisure pursuits by an urgent call from the “scientific” community to a conference of my fellow monster hunters! As you are all keenly aware by now, I am a professional pursuer of the preposterous. A chaser of — VROOM!

Posted in Cryptozoology

Tags: Big Foot, Canada, China, Chupacabra, Estonia, Kemerova, Mongolia, Sasquatch, Siberia, Sweden, United Sates, Yeti

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Science: It's Not an Exact Science

August 29th, 2011

Jesse Jones

Last week science made a wild ass guess about how many things exist and we were just supposed to let that shit slide… A paper published last week by the scientific journal PLoS Biology, which is a complete fucking guess, says that there are 8.7 million species on Earth. Of which, they completely make up that — VROOM!

Posted in Cryptozoology, Science

Tags: animal, army men, cardio vascular, chromists, demon, Earth, fungi, intangible, Jesus, plants, PLoS Biology, protozoa, road warriors, robots, science

1 Comment »

In the Air and Office Chairs: Lady Parts is Everywheres!

August 16th, 2011

Jesse Jones

Hey you, shut up, I have a penis and it demands to be heard! I am a man, and as such, it is my god given duty to not care about a woman’s pleasure! My divinely given external genitalia are my genetic signal to all of the animal kingdom that I am strong and make fire — VROOM!

Posted in Cryptozoology, Products, Sex, Technology

Tags: clitoris, Crave, Duet, female orgasm, Kevin James, Larry the Cable Guy, Mall Cop, Paul Blart, penis, phallus, The Female Orgasm Explained, vagina, Vibrator, video on demand, Zookeeper

3 Comments »

Run Nessie! They Done Shot Chupie!

July 19th, 2011

Jesse Jones

There are so many unknowns in this world. So many things that live with us every day, unseen, thought lost or having not even yet been discovered by man. The great mysteries of the world we live in intrigue us every day, push explorers toward the outer reaches of our understanding and beyond. What is it about — VROOM!