This is how I prepared my Super Bowl spread, this exact way. The music may not have actually been playing, I may have just been hearing it in my head, but this, this is how my Sunday went. It wasn’t THAT bad really, All of my best friends were there: no one. Hooray, sport. Originally […]
As men, our number one mission in life is to ensure that no harm comes to our external reproductive organs. Above all else, this is our divine purpose in life. Our very existence revolves around the grandeur and majesty of our god granted penis. But if it were up to Sweden our magnificent boy glands would be treated as no more special than the common vagina! […]
Your child needs to be told by everyone exactly what their genitalia mean to them socially and psychologically but then must never, under any circumstances, ever actually be instructed on how to use them by anyone. Especially not with weird anatomically correctish stuffed toys… But we’ll get to that… You see, two equally and oppositely frustrating stories popped up in various […]
It’s no secret that Van Full of Candy is a supporter of hot teachers. It’s a brave, bold stance that we have long taken when ever a poor, misunderstood educator is arrested for doing things that we wish had been done to us in school. Of course we couldn’t possibly defend EVERY apple polishing head mistress every time we […]
It’s been almost exactly four months since this Candy filled Van of hilarity and yuks hit the road. We like to think in that time we have firmly established ourselves as one of the class acts of internet humor sites. It is with that standard of excellence in mind that we come to you today […]
It seems that every few months or so another headline pops up about some “inappropriate” female teacher getting it on with their prepubescent male students. What the hell is going on these days? Is there some sort of weird ‘hot for student’ bug going around? AND WHERE IN THE HELL WERE THESE TEACHERS WHEN I […]