Van Full of Candy’s End of the World Year Predictions

It hardly seems worth making predictions this year. As everyone is surely aware, this year isn’t going to be as long as they have been in the past. You can blame the stupid Mayans and their dumb calendar for that bunk. So with those ten fewer days at the end of not only this year, […]

This Didn't Happen Today in History — November 30th

November 30th 2012 — After the inadvertent release of indisputable scientific and theological confirmation of the Mayan calendar’s grim prediction of the end of the world and with a now hard, verified three weeks remaining in the very existence of the planet Earth and all of mankind, the peoples of the world, finally seeing above […]

This Time For Realzies: Judgement Day, Part 2: The Judgementing

Uh-oh, remember back in May, how the world was supposed to end with a bunch of goody goodies floating up into heaven and flashing their balls at us? And then remember how that didn’t happen and it was all hilarious? And remember how we all laughed at the guy who said the world was going to end […]

AAAHHHHHH!!! (Apocalypse Edition: Parte the Somethingth)

It’s the end of the world! Oh sweet Jesus who up until this very moment when you might actually be of some use to me, I have heretofore ignored and denied, IT’S THE END OF THE MONKEY FIGHTING WORLD! Don’t believe me?! Well fuck you! ‘Cause it’s real Jack! You’re dead! I’m dead! We’re all […]

VFoC "LIVE" on The Comedy Buffet’s Podcast

The good fellas at The Comedy Buffet were kind enough to let us stink up their otherwise hilarious podcast the other night. We’d like to apologize in advance for our uncontrolable crass behavior, rude language, and complete disregard to fat kids, cross-dressing boys, and religion in general, … yeah right, who am I kidding? Let’s face it, […]

Apple unveils "iLand": You're All Going to Die Here

Steve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000 iTroops for the coming Applegeddon, and there’s precisely not a single damned thing that you or any god being to which you have pledged your eternal soul can do about it. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that getting a discount by signing a […]

VFoC Video — “May 21st, 2011 … It’s Rapture Time Sinners”

Well as most of the world knows, tomorrow is the second coming of Christ, The Rapture, Judgement Day. Well … according to Harold Camping. Ya’ll ready? Better get repenting real quick like because only about 7% of us (dead or alive) are going to get floated up to Heaven tomorrow. The other 93% of us […]

Media, It’s What’s For Dinner

FIRST I turn on the TV. I didn’t have to. That damn thing is always on, and I’m sure it’s the same for the rest of America as well, right? You don’t have to lie, we’re all friends here. It’s on and it’s telling us what we need to know, what we’re supposed to know, […]

VFoC’s Valentine’s Day Fun Facts!

Valentine’s Day is celebrated around the world, though with sometimes subtle differences from region to region. In Germany, lovers exchange small, red velvet boxes filled with a their own feces, in Australia couples take turns drunkenly punching each other in the throat until a perfectly heart-shaped bruise appears and in Africa, where female circumcision is […]

You God Damn Creepy Surgical Mask Wearers

Hey there wanna-be-surgeon, you’re scaring the shit out of me with your apocalyptic fashion gear. Would you mind taking it off, you’re scaring the children. Did I somehow not get the memo about some sort of asbestos spill? If there’s some sort of nerve agent loose and I forgot my King of Pop mask, I’m […]