It’s been a crazy couple months for Van Full of Candy as you may or may not have noticed. Both members are now freshly moved from their previous addresses, having relocated a total of nearly 400 miles. We’re both on the tale end of transitioning from a bullshit existence, to a slightly different bullshit existence. — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Examination’ Category
Catching Up With Unfinished Van Tangents: Parte the First
May 16th, 2012 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Examination, Opinions, Overprivileged, True Story 
Tags: American Mustache Institute, FBI, Jersey Shore, Kardahians, Movember, Robert Goulet, Roswell, UFOs 
No Comments »
Drinking: Too Much vs. Shut Up
March 27th, 2012 Jesse Jones Anybody who knows us, knows that we at Van Full of Candy like to party. They’re usually tipped off to this fact by us screaming “WE LIKE TO PARTY!” in their face moments before we collapse and begin to evacuate our bladders into our slacks. Over the years fans of distilled spirits have seen their — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Bar Scene, Drinking, Examination Tags: alcohol, Harrison Ford, honour, NIAAA, party, Slurpee, Tequila No Comments »
Tacos For Tolerance
January 25th, 2012 Jesse Jones If telling hispanic latino Mexicanians that you’re going to eat a taco won’t make ‘em happy, then holy frijole, what in the heck will?! Apparently, this week the FBI arrested four East Haven, Connecticut police officers on charges that they “conspired to deprive some residents, particularly Latinos, of their constitutional rights”, including “multiple counts of — VROOM!
Posted in Examination, Stupidity Tags: Connecticut, David Rosen, East Haven, hispanic, Joseph Maturo, latino, Matt DeRienzo, New England, racist, tacos, Tijuana 2 Comments »Going Green to the Grave
December 2nd, 2011 Jesse Jones Alrighty hippies, here’s your chance to really put your carbon footprint where your mouth was. A facility in Durham, England is ready to turn your last act of selfish global pollution into the greenest of green energies. Why let your rotting remains just disintegrate in the ground, a skeleton in a fine suit and a — VROOM!
Posted in Death, Examination, Green, Science Tags: B&L Cremation Systems, burial, cremation, crematorium, Durham, England, green energy, hippies, kilowatt-hours, plague, Steve Looker No Comments »Cut It Out China! You're Freaking Us Out!
November 15th, 2011 Jesse Jones China is going to murder us from the sky! How do I know? The Googles! The Googles told me! … GOOGLES! Alright, let me back up here, this may require slightly more explanation than me shouting “The Googles” at you until it makes sense. That could take days. Days that WE DON’T HAVE! First, take a — VROOM!
Posted in Conspiracy, Examination Tags: America 2, Area 51, China, communist, Google, Mars, missile range, Mongolia, Nuclear, Solar, street grid, United States, Washington D.C. 1 Comment »Which Angry, Hurtful, Bitter Lover Type Are You?
October 18th, 2011 Jesse Jones We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, 10 1/2 months is an eternity for most relationships. We like to think we’ve been a very attentive partner, but we know there’s been times when we’ve taken you for granted. It’s nothing conscious, it’s not because you’ve gained weight, we think that’s sexy, it means — VROOM!
Posted in Examination, Love Tags: barista, breasts, butt lungs, Call of Duty, cnn.com, crabs, health.com, herpes, in the butt, Love, lover, Pepper Schwartz, relationship, sociology, syphilitic, University of Washington in Seattle No Comments »VFoC's Guide To Effective Pistolwhipping (Succeeding in Daily Life)
September 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel “Oh fuck what just happened? I have this strange pain throbbing in my forehead area, but my eyes are open and everything is black and it smells like exhaust, where the fuck am I?” … You’re in the trunk of a car you stupid bitch-ass-bitch, and if you’re there, you probably deserve it. Don’t worry — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Family, Guns Tags: ATM, Big Trucks, Coworkers, Driving, Family, kids, Pistolwhip, Taxes, Thanksgiving No Comments »Nicki Minaj "Pullin' a Janet Jackson" on Good Morning America
August 5th, 2011 Jason Whitesel For no other reason than to have a gratuitous boob picture in our post today, here’s Nicki Minaj doing what I’d like to coin right here and now “Pullin’ a Janet Jackson”. And if somebody else has coined it then show me the damned proof, otherwise consider it coined right here and now on this — VROOM!
Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment News, Examination, Media, Music, Rap Tags: Boob, Good Morning America, Implants, Janet Jackson, Nicki Minaj, Tits 4 Comments »Cancer? Cured! Recession? Cured! Common Cold? EVERYTHING Cured!!
August 1st, 2011 Jason Whitesel Something miraculous came to me this weekend. It came to me in the way of divine intervention sent straight from the Creator himself as my mind was magically opened to see something that has been inconspicuously floating around our planet for about 40 years. Something that is so awe inspiring that only a worthy clairvoyant hand picked by — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Food, Health, Recipes, Religion, Videos Tags: 1971, Bacon, Coconut, Cure for Cancer, Cure for Common Cold, Cure for Recession, Harry Nilsson, Hawaii, Lay's, Lei, Lime, Mother Necessity, Quentin Tarantino, Reservoir Dogs No Comments »Burn Baby, Burn! (Hitler Inferno)
July 21st, 2011 Jesse Jones Human beings have kind of a sick obsession with dead bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster, I get that the rapidly decaying, lifeless corpse over there used to belong to someone you had some fondness for. But at no point forward will that bio degrading fleshy mound of used ta was, ever — VROOM!
Posted in Death, Examination, Germans, Movies, Unpopular Stand Tags: Captain America, cremation, dead baby, Dixie cup, Germany, Hitler, Lutheran church, Marlan J Gary, Marvel, morgue, Nazi, neo-Nazis, promotion, Rudolf Hess, The First Avenger, tie-in, zombified 3 Comments »
