“If I wanted to see mammals feeding their young with their own self producing lactic fluids I’d go to a god damned zoo and “Awww” at its adorable quaintness on the other side of plexiglass where it belongs! Now feed my wife this god damned hand pealed citrus or I’ll murder every last one of — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
From Rage Oranges To Shame Milk — Family: Who Needs It?
January 11th, 2012 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Family, Food, Health, Stupidity 
Tags: breast feeding, Hocking County, Ohio, orange, Paul David Gilkey, Sesame Street 
No Comments »Santa Christ Is Coming To Town
December 12th, 2011 Jason Whitesel What better way to bring in the Yuletide season with the wonderful smell of Gingerbread Lattes and White Christmas playing in the background. Storming the malls on black Friday and hopefully not trampling anyone in the process, let alone being the trample-ee. Getting all the things our family wants and eating all the things that — VROOM!
Van Full of Candy's Top 8 List "Looking Back on My Childhood, I Should Have Called CPS"
November 3rd, 2011 Jason Whitesel #8 … Being forced to mow the lawn in lederhosen, ’cause it’s cute #7 … Go make grandma a lowball glass of special medicine, shaken please #6 … The overnight mayonnaise hair conditioning in a hair-cap treatment #5 … Take this note and this $5 bill to the gas station and go buy auntie some — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Family, True Story Tags: back from the dead, butterfly costume, cigarettes, CPS, lawn mowing, lederhosen, mayonnaise, sardine sandwich No Comments »Van Full of Candy's Last Minute Zombified Costume Ideas
October 31st, 2011 Van Full of Candy Halloween has become big business in recent years as adults have stolen away a holiday intended for children to play dress up by scaring parents with tales of abduction and tainted treats to the point where most juvenile trick treating takes place in well lit suburban malls at two in the afternoon on February 9th. — VROOM!
Posted in Family, Holiday Tags: ghost, iPhone, sexy costume, spam, Trick or Treat, whores, Zombie, Zombies No Comments »Sonny & Cher's Daughter … Watch Him Dance !!
September 19th, 2011 Jason Whitesel There’s been a few times over the last few months that I wanted to write something about Chaz Bono, and each time the slant was different. Not liking Chaz: pointing out Chaz’s silver platter and how using the Sonny & Cher platform to succeed was lame. Liking Chaz: for doing what Chaz was doing in — VROOM!
Posted in Celebrity, Comedy, Family, Questions Tags: Chastity Bono, Chaz Bono, Dancing With The Stars, Sonny and Cher No Comments »My Name Sucks Ass … And So Does Yours
September 16th, 2011 Jason Whitesel All of our names suck, yours, mine, his, hers, your grandmothers for sure. These ridiculous names passed down from generations, these middle names from an uncle who drinks too much, or grandpa who strangely smelled like Werther’s originals but had no teeth. Agatha, Bertrand, Prudence, Oliver, Sherman … Who in the world would ever keep — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Family, NBA, NFL, True Story Tags: Captain Awesome, Chad Johnson, Douglas Allen Smith Jr, Metta World Peace, Ocho Cinco, Oregon, Ron Artest 4 Comments »VFoC's Guide To Effective Pistolwhipping (Succeeding in Daily Life)
September 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel “Oh fuck what just happened? I have this strange pain throbbing in my forehead area, but my eyes are open and everything is black and it smells like exhaust, where the fuck am I?” … You’re in the trunk of a car you stupid bitch-ass-bitch, and if you’re there, you probably deserve it. Don’t worry — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Family, Guns Tags: ATM, Big Trucks, Coworkers, Driving, Family, kids, Pistolwhip, Taxes, Thanksgiving No Comments »The "No Cut Off My Penis" Clause
July 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel This is probably the most painful thing I’ve ever had to write, no seriously !! The lady above, Kieu Becker, decided enough was enough with her marriage and decided to whack her husband’s pecker off and throw it in the garbage disposal. But it gets worse! She then decided to turn the garbage disposal on — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Family, Headlines, Health, Love, Opinions Tags: Bobbitt, Bondage, Castration, Cut, Kieu Becker, Knife, penis, Sex Life 2 Comments »Science Hates Your Balls: The War on Sperm
June 14th, 2011 Jesse Jones Scientists, in laboratories all over the globe, are busy thinking of new and hilarious ways to make mice fucking even more pointless. But don’t laugh too hard at blank shooting rodents, because science’ll be coming for your testicles next! Since the invention of the penis approximately 47 billion years ago man has been desperately trying to devise ways to control them. They are — VROOM!
Posted in Family, Health, Science, Technology Tags: condom, contraception, fornication, homosexual, India, jizm, penis, science, scrotum, semen, sperm, spooge, testicles, vacectomy, vitamin A, withdrawl 1 Comment »
British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!
We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would — VROOM!
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