I have a pretty steady routine when it comes to looking for things on the internet to yell at every other day on our webbed site internets log page. I have a few regular news sources that I scour for the most inane, ridiculous, mind rapingly dumb news stories of the day. Naturally I start — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Headlines’ Category
Meet CNN's Newest Correspondent: Pec Flexman
November 8th, 2011 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Advertising, Headlines 
Tags: Beatles, CNN, cnn.com, Fox News, foxnews.com, Iran, Joe Frasier, Lennon, Lohan, Michelle Duggar, North Korea, Obama, Pakistan, Protein shakes 
1 Comment »A Big Week For Facebook, If Anyone Survives to See It
September 20th, 2011 Jesse Jones We like My[_____]. We like it because it’s simple and quiet and uncluttered by unnecessary things like apps or content or other people, as well as all of the reasons we’ve previously stated. I like to go to My[_____] when ever I need to be alone to think about how wrong it all went. It was while tending to our — VROOM!
Posted in Facebook, Headlines, Internet, Justin Timberlake, MySpace, Social Media Tags: Air Canada, Anthony Court, explosives, Facebook, Jean Grey, Justin Timberlake, Mark Zuckerberg, Martinkovich, MySpace, Rogue, Slash, Tom, X-Man No Comments »Martin Luther King Jr. Disses America
August 22nd, 2011 Jason Whitesel Today was an historic day as the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial was unveiled to the public today at the National Mall in Washington D.C. . It is an awesome 30 foot granite statue of MLK Jr. showing his strength, and it’s based upon the “I have a dream” speech. Perhaps the way I view — VROOM!
Posted in Headlines, Holiday, Music, Star Wars Tags: Dissing, Han Solo, MLK Jr. Memorial, RUN DMC No Comments »Facebook Will Be Murdered in 87 Days
August 10th, 2011 Jason Whitesel In an epic “Fight Club” style of badass-anarchy-not-gonna-take-it-anymore blatant threat kind of a way, a kickass movement called Anomymous has publicly pretty much said “We’re gonna murder Facebook in the face and there’s nothing anybody can do about it!” That’s a pretty ballsy claim which made us here at Van Full of Candy stand at — VROOM!
Posted in Death, Facebook, Headlines, MySpace, Technology, YouTube Tags: Anonymous, Facebook, FacebookOps, Fight Club, Guy Ritchie, James Bond, Milk Duds, Movie, MySpace, Popcorn, War Games No Comments »4 Foot Vajayjay On Marilyn Monroe Sculpture (Porno Edition)
July 25th, 2011 Jason Whitesel So this weekend was big for the former actress known as Marilyn Monroe. Not only did the classy city of Chicago erect a 27 foot “upskirt” statue of Marilyn in her “Seven Year Itch” pose, a six minute pornographic film shot in 1946 or 1947 has surfaced with Marilyn Monroe in it. Now this is — VROOM!
Posted in Celebrity, Comedy, Entertainment News, Headlines, Overprivileged Tags: Candle in the wind, Marilyn Monroe, Norma Jean, porn, porno, Realdoll, Seven year itch, statue, upskirt, voyeur No Comments »Better Get Your 'Gaydar' Fixed !!
July 18th, 2011 Jason Whitesel A heterosexual black male, a gay white male, and a filthy hillbilly male walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here”. The three men look at each other in confusion, turn to the bartender and say, “Which one of us are you talking to”? And that there my friends lies — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Gay, Government, Headlines, Health, Opinions Tags: Aaron Pace, American Red Cross, Bio-Blood Components, Blood, Donation, Gaydar, Heterosexual, Hillbilly, homosexual, Liberace No Comments »The "No Cut Off My Penis" Clause
July 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel This is probably the most painful thing I’ve ever had to write, no seriously !! The lady above, Kieu Becker, decided enough was enough with her marriage and decided to whack her husband’s pecker off and throw it in the garbage disposal. But it gets worse! She then decided to turn the garbage disposal on — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Family, Headlines, Health, Love, Opinions Tags: Bobbitt, Bondage, Castration, Cut, Kieu Becker, Knife, penis, Sex Life 2 Comments »Your Fake Boobs Are Two Incredibly Beautiful Terrorists
July 6th, 2011 Jason Whitesel What the hell is going on with TSA these days? A couple of months ago they were searching for bombs in baby’s diapers, then they moved on recently to searching for bombs in a 90 year old’s Depends Undergarment. But now … NOW … they’re going to need to start fondling all the ladies with implants. — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Conspiracy, Fashion, Government, Headlines, War on terror Tags: Big Ass, Calista Flockhart, Dolly Parton, Fake Boobs, Implants, Kim Kardashian, Planes, Screening, Security, Terrorists, TSA 1 Comment »Celebrity News: So Crazy, it's True
June 24th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Celebrities, they’re who we pretend we’re having sex with when we’re just giving it to the ol’ lady because it feels like it’s probably about time that we should. Celebrities live lives that are too ridiculous to be believed most of the time, flying around the world and being interviewed about the latest thing they — VROOM!
VFoC "LIVE" on The Comedy Buffet's Podcast
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy The good fellas at The Comedy Buffet were kind enough to let us stink up their otherwise hilarious podcast the other night. We’d like to apologize in advance for our uncontrolable crass behavior, rude language, and complete disregard to fat kids, cross-dressing boys, and religion in general, … yeah right, who am I kidding? Let’s face it, — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Death, End of the World, Headlines, Interview, Opinions, Podcasts, Rants, Religion Tags: Diabetes, End of the world, god, Harold Camping, JDRF, Jesus, KFC, Rapture, Sacramento Comedy Spot, Sam Saurs, Sedgwick Junior High School No Comments »
