It’s safe to say that the medical community and I often don’t see eye to eye. What they call a cancerous tumor ravaging an otherwise perfectly healthy body, I like to think of as a super excited lump of meat, just trying to make friends with the rest of your organs as quickly as possible. — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Health’ Category
Weight Loss Pills And Skinny Big Girl Jeans — You’re Not Good Enough: Parte the Second
March 5th, 2012 
Jesse Jones Fat, it’s unattractive on woman ladies. On men folk of course it’s distinguished and rugged, esteemed and electable. Lady people are not allowed to have any of it. Not if I had my way at least! Women are supposed to be sleek, lithe and petite, like tiny baby jungle cats that you want to penetrate — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Fashion, Health, Medicine, Women's Health 
Tags: Curve ID, FDA, Hagen Daz, hotness, Levi's, obesity, pharmaceuticals, Qnexa, Susan Yanovski 
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Get A Life, You’re Depressing Your Phone
February 9th, 2012 Jesse Jones We live in a wonderous world with technology beyond our parents wildest imaginations. Innovation that is supposed to make our existence easier and our lives happier. Instead we have a world where four out of every seven shows on television revolves around the making of cake or picking through a strangers’ rusty garbage, commercials have — VROOM!
Posted in Health, Rants, Technology Tags: 80s, 90s, Angry Birds, Apps, automated, David Mohr, depression, ESPN Classic, North Western, oughts, phone call, Play 60, Psychologist, sense, smart phone, text message, World Series of Poker No Comments »I’ll Take a Pink Slime Pounder, Large Fries, and Large Cup of Ammonia
January 31st, 2012 Jason Whitesel How come I have to read about this fucking story a few hours after eating a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for lunch? Why? Because it’s God’s way of pecking me to death. Thanks God. Enter … Pink Slime. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to McDonald’s drive-thru, Mickey D’s has done — VROOM!
Try Our New Super BK Lazy Ass Meal
January 17th, 2012 Jason Whitesel We all understand that fast food isn’t good for us, we get that, it isn’t a secret, but sometimes you just have to make a run to McDonald’s, or Jack, or Carl’s, or Wendy’s, or the BK. Too tired to cook, and too lazy to go hunting, you get off the couch, drive your car — VROOM!
1 Vagina, 2 Vagina, 3 Vagina, 4
January 13th, 2012 Jason Whitesel As a guy, when I first heard about this story, my first impression is “fuck yeah, let’s do this!”, but when I didn’t get a return call, I had a lot of time to reflect on the situation. Let’s rewind shall we? As I stumbled around my living area this morning, I, what my grandparents — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Health, Hot Chicks, Science, Sex, True Story, YouTube Tags: Hazel Jones, Science Class, threesome, Vaginas 4 Comments »
From Rage Oranges To Shame Milk — Family: Who Needs It?
January 11th, 2012 Jesse Jones “If I wanted to see mammals feeding their young with their own self producing lactic fluids I’d go to a god damned zoo and “Awww” at its adorable quaintness on the other side of plexiglass where it belongs! Now feed my wife this god damned hand pealed citrus or I’ll murder every last one of — VROOM!
Posted in Family, Food, Health, Stupidity Tags: breast feeding, Hocking County, Ohio, orange, Paul David Gilkey, Sesame Street No Comments »Weight Loss & Muscle Gain … The Van Full of Candy Way
November 28th, 2011 Jason Whitesel We all overate this past week, and we’re all still eating the leftovers pretending those calories don’t count, well, because they’re leftovers and only the original three meals make us fat. Well if you want to melt those holiday pounds right off your skeleton, then look no further. We here at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Comedy, Health, Products Tags: Amino Energy, Crack, Optimum Nutrition, Snorting, Weight Loss, Whey Protein, Workout 3 Comments »Van Full of Mustache Rides [Movember Style]
November 1st, 2011 Van Full of Candy Ahhhhh yes, the glorious moustache !! The Fu Manchu, the Dali, the Handlebars, the Copstache, the Creepy Van Guy … HEY WAIT !! We’ve all seen them, and we all LOVE them. They’ve been around far longer than anyone probably would dare to guess. The first documented ‘stache of lovliness was depicted, coincidentally enough, on — VROOM!
Van Full of Pap Smear
October 17th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Apparently the best way to prevent cervical cancer is a good old smeary pap. So … here’s our coupon !! [brightcove vid=1223257898001&exp3=102195605001&surl=http://c.brightcove.com/services&pubid=29906170001&pk=AQ~~,AAAABvaL8JE~,ufBHq_I6Fnyou4pHiM9gbgVQA16tDSWm&w=300&h=225]
