It’s safe to say that the medical community and I often don’t see eye to eye. What they call a cancerous tumor ravaging an otherwise perfectly healthy body, I like to think of as a super excited lump of meat, just trying to make friends with the rest of your organs as quickly as possible. — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Health’ Category
Fat, it’s unattractive on woman ladies. On men folk of course it’s distinguished and rugged, esteemed and electable. Lady people are not allowed to have any of it. Not if I had my way at least! Women are supposed to be sleek, lithe and petite, like tiny baby jungle cats that you want to penetrate — VROOM!
How come I have to read about this fucking story a few hours after eating a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for lunch? Why? Because it’s God’s way of pecking me to death. Thanks God. Enter … Pink Slime. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to McDonald’s drive-thru, Mickey D’s has done — VROOM!
We all understand that fast food isn’t good for us, we get that, it isn’t a secret, but sometimes you just have to make a run to McDonald’s, or Jack, or Carl’s, or Wendy’s, or the BK. Too tired to cook, and too lazy to go hunting, you get off the couch, drive your car — VROOM!
As a guy, when I first heard about this story, my first impression is “fuck yeah, let’s do this!”, but when I didn’t get a return call, I had a lot of time to reflect on the situation. Let’s rewind shall we? As I stumbled around my living area this morning, I, what my grandparents — VROOM!
“If I wanted to see mammals feeding their young with their own self producing lactic fluids I’d go to a god damned zoo and “Awww” at its adorable quaintness on the other side of plexiglass where it belongs! Now feed my wife this god damned hand pealed citrus or I’ll murder every last one of — VROOM!
We all overate this past week, and we’re all still eating the leftovers pretending those calories don’t count, well, because they’re leftovers and only the original three meals make us fat. Well if you want to melt those holiday pounds right off your skeleton, then look no further. We here at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
Ahhhhh yes, the glorious moustache !! The Fu Manchu, the Dali, the Handlebars, the Copstache, the Creepy Van Guy … HEY WAIT !! We’ve all seen them, and we all LOVE them. They’ve been around far longer than anyone probably would dare to guess. The first documented ‘stache of lovliness was depicted, coincidentally enough, on — VROOM!
Apparently the best way to prevent cervical cancer is a good old smeary pap. So … here’s our coupon !! [brightcove vid=1223257898001&exp3=102195605001&surl=http://c.brightcove.com/services&pubid=29906170001&pk=AQ~~,AAAABvaL8JE~,ufBHq_I6Fnyou4pHiM9gbgVQA16tDSWm&w=300&h=225]