It’s been a crazy couple months for Van Full of Candy as you may or may not have noticed. Both members are now freshly moved from their previous addresses, having relocated a total of nearly 400 miles. We’re both on the tale end of transitioning from a bullshit existence, to a slightly different bullshit existence. — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Opinions’ Category
Catching Up With Unfinished Van Tangents: Parte the First
May 16th, 2012 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Examination, Opinions, Overprivileged, True Story 
Tags: American Mustache Institute, FBI, Jersey Shore, Kardahians, Movember, Robert Goulet, Roswell, UFOs 
No Comments »The War on Fake Drugs Doesn't Claim Another Victim
October 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones Before we get started let me just say I am not mocking the death of a thirteen year old boy here. I would just like to make that perfectly clear right away. I don’t know how many times just this week I’ve been wrongfully accused of celebrating teen deaths and I’m sick of it. It — VROOM!
Posted in Death, Opinions, Rants, Stupidity, Unpopular Stand Tags: 13 year-old, Batman, K2, Lego, lung transplant, marijuana, news, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Spice, synthetic, Two Face 2 Comments »Get Your Digital Diddle On: It's Only Natural
September 13th, 2011 Jesse Jones Birds do it, bees do it, even perverts in the trees do it. Let’s do it, let’s fuck online. Chances are, if you’re on the internet (which as of this printing is still the only way that I know you could be reading this, though if you know of any others, please let us know), — VROOM!
Posted in Internet, Love, Opinions, Sex Tags: bees, birds, bread, cybersex, fire, intercourse, internet, Krystelle Shaughnessy, lesbian, long-distance relationship, Nana, Peepaw, sex technologies, two girls one cup, University of New Brunswick, vagina, wheel No Comments »Dr. Keith Ablow is Really Angry By How Turned On He Is By Little Girls
August 5th, 2011 Jesse Jones While browsing the e-www’s this afternoon in search of the ridiculous and wrong to scream at, I stopped, as I often do by FOXnews.com. I stumbled upon an article written by a “Dr.” Keith Ablow with the headline “Dr. Keith: Is Vogue Magazine Creating Pedophiles?” I could do a thousand words on the headline alone; the sensationalizing of — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Busy Body, Media, Opinions, Rants, Self Richeousness, Stupidity Tags: Abercrombie and Fitch, Berjuan, Brigette Bardot, cell phone, Dr. Keith, foxnews.com, France, Juicy Couture, Keith Ablow, nipple, pedophile, pimp, Spain, Thylane, Thylane Lena-Rose Loubry-Blondeau, Vogue 4 Comments »Better Get Your 'Gaydar' Fixed !!
July 18th, 2011 Jason Whitesel A heterosexual black male, a gay white male, and a filthy hillbilly male walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here”. The three men look at each other in confusion, turn to the bartender and say, “Which one of us are you talking to”? And that there my friends lies — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Gay, Government, Headlines, Health, Opinions Tags: Aaron Pace, American Red Cross, Bio-Blood Components, Blood, Donation, Gaydar, Heterosexual, Hillbilly, homosexual, Liberace No Comments »The "No Cut Off My Penis" Clause
July 14th, 2011 Jason Whitesel This is probably the most painful thing I’ve ever had to write, no seriously !! The lady above, Kieu Becker, decided enough was enough with her marriage and decided to whack her husband’s pecker off and throw it in the garbage disposal. But it gets worse! She then decided to turn the garbage disposal on — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Examination, Family, Headlines, Health, Love, Opinions Tags: Bobbitt, Bondage, Castration, Cut, Kieu Becker, Knife, penis, Sex Life 2 Comments »
VFoC Video — “Trans-Am”
July 5th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Idiot #1: How do you like my new hair cut Moron #2? Moron #2: That is quite a finely cut set of hairs Idiot #1. I would go so far as to call that haircut “awesome”. Us: Hey idiot. Lookie here moron. You’re wrong; shut the fuck up. Has this kind of thing happened to — VROOM!
VFoC "LIVE" on The Comedy Buffet's Podcast
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy The good fellas at The Comedy Buffet were kind enough to let us stink up their otherwise hilarious podcast the other night. We’d like to apologize in advance for our uncontrolable crass behavior, rude language, and complete disregard to fat kids, cross-dressing boys, and religion in general, … yeah right, who am I kidding? Let’s face it, — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Death, End of the World, Headlines, Interview, Opinions, Podcasts, Rants, Religion Tags: Diabetes, End of the world, god, Harold Camping, JDRF, Jesus, KFC, Rapture, Sacramento Comedy Spot, Sam Saurs, Sedgwick Junior High School No Comments »Sarah Palin: Professional Grifter
June 2nd, 2011 Jesse Jones It used to be that a huckster would rumble into town in a brightly colored wagon emblazoned with grandiose hyperbole about their stature and abilities. And the townsfolk, how they would flock to this charismatic charlatan, selling them something they thought they wanted, taking their “donations” for the promise of a better life and happier tomorrow. — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Election 2012, Headlines, Opinions Tags: Alaska, Americana, Auntie Sarah, charlatan, elixir, Facebook, governor, grifter, huckster, Jesus McAwesome, Palin, President, Ratt, reality tv, sky monster, terrorist, tonic, Twitter 2 Comments »
British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!
We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would — VROOM!
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