Porn. It’s naughty, it’s fun, it’s my best friend on a late, lonely Wednesday night whilst sadly looking through yearbooks of all the friends I never had and all the empty pages without signatures and cool sayings like “Stay Cool this Summer”. Play, pause, fast forward, oh wait, yeah, just like that, pause, on your — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category
We Want BORING Porn !!!
January 12th, 2012 
Jason Whitesel 
Posted in Comedy, Men's Health, Porn, Sex, Women's Health 
Tags: Condoms, Laws, Los Angeles, Masturbation, Midgets, Nuns 
No Comments »We're Having a Bake Sale for Our Very Own XXX Website
December 6th, 2011 Van Full of Candy It’s happened !! It’s FINALLY happened !!! The powers that be who hold dominion over the interwebby names have allowed websites, such as ourselves, to become .XXX websites. How indecently awesome is that ?? Think about it, we wouldn’t be just a run of the mill boring old .COM website anymore, we could be really — VROOM!
World's Slowest Yet Most Expensive Female Pleaser
November 29th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Women like it slow, but if this is the kind of slow that they mean, then I’m gonna go grab a sandwich and I’ll be back when you’re good and worked up, in say, oh … two hours. The porn industry is a multi-ka-trillbion dollar industry. It’s everywhere you look and everywhere you don’t want — VROOM!
Van Full of Candy's Celebrity Sex Tape Auditions
October 19th, 2011 Jason Whitesel First it was Pamela & Tommy, then Paris, and then that one Kardashian chick. Rock stars, television stars, and others who ride the coattails of their father and become reality TV stars. Two glaring things stick out like a sore thumb … that I’m assuming have been smashed by a hammer, because how else would — VROOM!
Posted in Celebrity, Comedy, Movies, Porn, Sex Tags: Auditions, Celebrity Sex Tapes, Idioms, Kim Kardashian, Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton, Sore Thumb, Tommy Lee, With Your Thumb Up Your Ass No Comments »When Horror Movies Go Porn (Netflix Style)
September 24th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Hey kids, sorry about not posting anything for your junkie fix on Friday … here’s a little orgasmic Van Full of Candy teaser for ya !!
Posted in Comedy, Movies, Porn Tags: Bungalow Of The Damned, Movie Night, Netflix, Orgasm No Comments »I Wanna Be a Porn Star Baaaaaybeeeee … Well, Except For The HIV
August 30th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Alright you stars of porn, lets go ahead and take 5 and gather around. Stop your threesums, put your cable repairman outfit back on Ron, and for god’s sake you people over there leave that horse alone and get over here, this is serious business. Now listen! It has come to our attention that one — VROOM!
