Oh boy, are you in for an extra special, super sensational treat of an occasion of an extravaganza! You’ve joined me just in time to witness the introduction to you, our fine, loyal, theoretical fan, of my very own all new brand of sugary snacking cakes! They’re going to be a delicious chocolate brownie, smothered — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Products’ Category
Let’s be honest with ourselves, coffee tastes like shit! But that black liquid crack ass drink can be doctored up enough with 4 or 5 Splenda, 1/4 cup of half & half, a little cinnamon on top and BAMMM!! Something tolerable. But then you really need to take into consideration all the time and preparation — VROOM!
Best. Episode. Yet! And no, I’m not just saying that because a sexy Van Fan professed her attraction for Candy Man, Jesse Jones in the second half of the episode, but that sure as hell doesn’t hurt its quality! In tonight’s episode of “The Van Full of Candy Show” we discussed our respective Valentines Dayses. — VROOM!
This week has been an uneven one for those who like to party first and deal with party related consequences eventually. We at Van Full of Candy are known to be fans of both “Party” and “Consequences”. The first is fun, the second is hilarious and the combination of the two is often hilariously fun. — VROOM!
We all overate this past week, and we’re all still eating the leftovers pretending those calories don’t count, well, because they’re leftovers and only the original three meals make us fat. Well if you want to melt those holiday pounds right off your skeleton, then look no further. We here at Van Full of Candy — VROOM!
During the winter break of my Sophomore year at the University of Nevada, Reno (go fighting Soft Sixteens!) I took a backpacking excursion through the inhospitable wilderness of the South American rainforest. I hiked for nine days with my trusty guide Tuo Uu-nu Eepchak. I was but a fool child, ill prepared for the conditions I would face — VROOM!
Hey you, shut up, I have a penis and it demands to be heard! I am a man, and as such, it is my god given duty to not care about a woman’s pleasure! My divinely given external genitalia are my genetic signal to all of the animal kingdom that I am strong and make fire — VROOM!
Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been four whole years since we started dating. It only seems like yesterday when your camera only had 2 megapixels and you still had your cute baby fat which I was really attracted to. You were such a simpler girlfriend back then, so much nicer, you used to be — VROOM!
It’s no secret that the rich despise the poor. This hatred stems from a couple very different, very dark places in the place that at one time may or may not have housed a soul. Either 1) the rich person was once poor, and the very sight of the un-monied sends shivers down their spine, reminding them of the life — VROOM!
So Montel William’s television show, monotonously named, “The Montel William’s Show” ended a few years ago. Not that anybody had any clue, hence, me letting you know. You probably know him better for his infomercials pushing his Healthmaster Blender to people who are too lazy to actually go to a grocery store, buy the ingredients to make — VROOM!