We live in a wonderous world with technology beyond our parents wildest imaginations. Innovation that is supposed to make our existence easier and our lives happier. Instead we have a world where four out of every seven shows on television revolves around the making of cake or picking through a strangers’ rusty garbage, commercials have — VROOM!
Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category
Get A Life, You’re Depressing Your Phone
February 9th, 2012 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Health, Rants, Technology 
Tags: 80s, 90s, Angry Birds, Apps, automated, David Mohr, depression, ESPN Classic, North Western, oughts, phone call, Play 60, Psychologist, sense, smart phone, text message, World Series of Poker 
No Comments »The War on Fake Drugs Doesn't Claim Another Victim
October 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones Before we get started let me just say I am not mocking the death of a thirteen year old boy here. I would just like to make that perfectly clear right away. I don’t know how many times just this week I’ve been wrongfully accused of celebrating teen deaths and I’m sick of it. It — VROOM!
Posted in Death, Opinions, Rants, Stupidity, Unpopular Stand Tags: 13 year-old, Batman, K2, Lego, lung transplant, marijuana, news, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Spice, synthetic, Two Face 2 Comments »Dr. Keith Ablow is Really Angry By How Turned On He Is By Little Girls
August 5th, 2011 Jesse Jones While browsing the e-www’s this afternoon in search of the ridiculous and wrong to scream at, I stopped, as I often do by FOXnews.com. I stumbled upon an article written by a “Dr.” Keith Ablow with the headline “Dr. Keith: Is Vogue Magazine Creating Pedophiles?” I could do a thousand words on the headline alone; the sensationalizing of — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Busy Body, Media, Opinions, Rants, Self Richeousness, Stupidity Tags: Abercrombie and Fitch, Berjuan, Brigette Bardot, cell phone, Dr. Keith, foxnews.com, France, Juicy Couture, Keith Ablow, nipple, pedophile, pimp, Spain, Thylane, Thylane Lena-Rose Loubry-Blondeau, Vogue 4 Comments »AAAHHHHHH!!! (Apocalypse Edition: Parte the Somethingth)
August 2nd, 2011 Jesse Jones It’s the end of the world! Oh sweet Jesus who up until this very moment when you might actually be of some use to me, I have heretofore ignored and denied, IT’S THE END OF THE MONKEY FIGHTING WORLD! Don’t believe me?! Well fuck you! ‘Cause it’s real Jack! You’re dead! I’m dead! We’re all — VROOM!
Posted in Death, End of the World, Predictions, Rants, Religion, Science, Wildlife, World News Tags: angel, apocalypse, Blood Red, Christ, drought, End of the world, flood, gay, god, Jesus, lake, nut candy, old TestamentChromatiacea bacteria, orgy, Rapture, reservoir, river, Texas No Comments »VFoC "LIVE" on The Comedy Buffet's Podcast
June 22nd, 2011 Van Full of Candy The good fellas at The Comedy Buffet were kind enough to let us stink up their otherwise hilarious podcast the other night. We’d like to apologize in advance for our uncontrolable crass behavior, rude language, and complete disregard to fat kids, cross-dressing boys, and religion in general, … yeah right, who am I kidding? Let’s face it, — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Death, End of the World, Headlines, Interview, Opinions, Podcasts, Rants, Religion Tags: Diabetes, End of the world, god, Harold Camping, JDRF, Jesus, KFC, Rapture, Sacramento Comedy Spot, Sam Saurs, Sedgwick Junior High School No Comments »Anarchgay in the USA
June 16th, 2011 Jesse Jones Every time a gay thinks about marrying, God gets punched in the taint by the Devil and a kitten sucks a dick. A same-sex marriage bill is currently working its way through the New York state legislature which can only mean one thing, Jesus is warming up his wave machine while solemnly shaking his head in disappointment with — VROOM!
Posted in Busy Body, Gay, Rants, Religion, Stupid laws, Super Bowl Tags: agenda, anarchy, bear, bill, David Tyree, gay, Giants, god, hypocrisy, ignorance, Jesus, lesbian, marriage, minority, National Oranization for Marriage, New York, NFL No Comments »Secret Baby Genitalia Are Destroying Our Country
May 26th, 2011 Jesse Jones Your child needs to be told by everyone exactly what their genitalia mean to them socially and psychologically but then must never, under any circumstances, ever actually be instructed on how to use them by anyone. Especially not with weird anatomically correctish stuffed toys… But we’ll get to that… You see, two equally and oppositely frustrating stories popped up in various — VROOM!
Posted in Busy Body, Education, Opinions, Rants Tags: Eugene Beresin, gender, genitalia, kindergarten, penis, sex box, sex ed, sexual identity, Storm, Storm Stocker, Switzerland, vagina 3 Comments »Look Who's Siiiiiiiiiiiingle !! The Shrivernegger
May 18th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Ok guys calm down, CALM DOWN!! Please get in a single file line and quit shoving each other. I understand now that Maria Shriver is single that we all can’t wait to get our shot at that Kennedy lineage poontang, but please, have some maturity here, Jesus!! Oh, hi there dear reader. I’m just trying — VROOM!
When Beds Attack
May 4th, 2011 Jason Whitesel If we are to believe everything we see on our Le Tube d’Boob these days, then we are supposed to now be scared shitless that the beds we sleep in are slowly trying to kill us and/or end your marraige, not particularly in that order, and not that either is a bad thing for most people, but let’s — VROOM!
Posted in Advertising, Comedy, Health, Overprivileged, Products, Rants Tags: Camping, Commercials, Insomnia, Mattress, Osama Bin Laden, Sleep, Sleep Number Bed, Snoring 2 Comments »
British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!
We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would — VROOM!
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