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American Public School’s New Science Text Book: Cake

They say that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And while anatomy class may disagree, we’re not talking about actual learning here, we’re talking about school! And the plain fact is that the fastest way to an American student’s brain is straight through the pudgy little tum-tum. Originally posted on Your […]

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All Hail Our New Mercurian Overlords

As we all know, space wants nothing more than to kill us, leaving us gasping in the vacuum of space, laughing at our simple frozen flesh, with its gas giants and dark… dwarf… holes. Space is kind of a dick. But now, after this new discovery of Mercury’s rocky, bored face, we know space probably […]

Mars' Bio Station Alpha: Confirmation by Denial

There is a secret government space station, manned by a co-operative team of humans, aliens and human alien hybrids working together for no doubt nefarious purposes as we speak… on the surface of Mars! How do I know with absolute, unwavering, blind certainty that the crazy thing that I just said is the only pure, true […]

I'm A Rocket Man !!

Holy freakin’ Buck Rogers In The 25th Century, our Jetpacks have finally been made and are available for order right now!! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to fly like Superman? Well, not EXACTLY like Superman because he didn’t have to strap on a 535 lb. Honda Civic engine the size of a refrigerator to […]

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Kirk Cameron vs. Soviet Russia vs. Stephen Hawking vs. Space Aliens vs. Sense of Any Kind

In American culture, there are two widely accepted sky myth stories. The first of which being that a a giant bearded dude who lives in the clouds said one day “This shit is dark yo, BOOMSHACKALACKA!” and then everything that is happened. Then he made people in his image and decided he didn’t like them and washed […]

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The Eagle Has Landed … Well … Sorta. Ok, We’re Lying

Today marks the 50th Anniversary of the first human spaceflight. Supposedly some Russian named Yuri Gagarin was the first human to be launched into space on April 12, 1961. Ever heard of him? Didn’t think so. I think it’s cute how “they” want us to believe that people were actually launched into space in 1961. The […]

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Space Wants You Dead

We are all going to be murdered by a giant green blob, the size of our entire galaxy, THAT SHITS STARS! Why am I the only one screaming!? So what if it’s 650 million light years away? How do you know that some living space cloud, the size of what we can’t even begin to […]