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Orgasms At The Touch Of A Button. The Future Is Now, Ladies

The female orgasm (as I have been told DOES exist) is an elusive, sexy creature. Technology is set to step in with a highly invasive procedure to put this happy feeling at the touch of a button. Which, as I understand it, it already TECHNICALLY is, though not QUITE so simple as that… Originally posted […]

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Weight Loss Pills And Skinny Big Girl Jeans — You’re Not Good Enough: Parte the Second

Fat, it’s unattractive on woman ladies. On men folk of course it’s distinguished and rugged, esteemed and electable. Lady people are not allowed to have any of it. Not if I had my way at least! Women are supposed to be sleek, lithe and petite, like tiny baby jungle cats that you want to penetrate […]

Angry-Crowd

British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!

We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would […]

Condom Guy

We Want BORING Porn !!!

Porn. It’s naughty, it’s fun, it’s my best friend on a late, lonely Wednesday night whilst sadly looking through yearbooks of all the friends I never had and all the empty pages without signatures and cool sayings like “Stay Cool this Summer”. Play, pause, fast forward, oh wait, yeah, just like that, pause, on your […]

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Party People! You Win Some, You Lose Some: Headaches vs. Mistake Babies

This week has been an uneven one for those who like to party first and deal with party related consequences eventually. We at Van Full of Candy are known to be fans of both “Party” and “Consequences”. The first is fun, the second is hilarious and the combination of the two is often hilariously fun. […]