Celebrity News: So Crazy, it’s True

DON'T HURT MY JUSTY-JUST, MR. PEANUT!
DON’T HURT MY JUSTY-JUST, MR. PEANUT!

Justin Bieber Rushed to Hospital for Violent Peanut Alergy

Imagine my elbow in your stupid nostril!

James Franco Makes Invisible Art/Sells it for Real Money

When he’s not pursuing a multitude of college degrees, acting in soap operas and major stoner themed motion pictures, guest professoring, being a rock star or modeling on the side, you know, to make ends meet, James Franco is hard at work selling sculptures that he hasn’t sculpted and movies that he hasn’t movied.

YUH-HUH: Absolutely fucking true. Not only that, but apparently Johnny Renaissance has helped this pretentious institution well beyond merely contributing the “film” “Red Leaves” (valued at $25) but also a costume from the film, that I should remind you, doesn’t exist (valued at $50) and a sculpture (which exists just as not as the rest of the previously numerated items but is still somehow valued at a non-imaginary $100), but also helping open MONA, the “Museum of Non-Visible Art”. If he wasn’t violently punchable before, now the fact that he’s selling people imagination just makes we want to pummel his squinty face until his head becomes a found object to be used in another imaginary piece of art.

Oh, it’s real alright