Super Bowl Halftime Show : The Gipper

Ya’ll Thought I Was Dead? Oh Hells No!!

The 45th Super Bowl airing this Sunday between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers will be one of the most historic of all time. This Super Bowl will have the 40th President of the United States for their halftime show. What’s this, you ask? How can Ronald Reagan be the entertainment for the halftime show? Well it’s simple. First, FOX TV is the devil, and second he isn’t really dead. Just like 2-Pac, Biggie and Elvis, Ronald Wilson Reagan lives on a secluded five-star island sometimes referred to as Conspiracy Island. Unfortunately for the former President, he doesn’t know exactly where he is at any given time because of his ongoing bout with Alzheimer’s; he seems to believe that he is always inside a Sizzler restaurant and frequently mumbles about their world famous salad bar.

I’m On A Boat

The Alzheimer’s will make for an interesting show come Super Bowl Sunday, because Reagan is going to be in a number of highly choreographed dance numbers with The Black Eyed Peas, Usher, and the former guitarist for Guns & Roses, Slash. The spry 100 year old seems to be in great spirits and is visibly excited about his performances. During the Black Eyed Peas’ song “Boom Boom Pow”, Mr. Reagan and his team of dancers will recreate the assassination attempt on the President by John Hinckley, Jr. with former President George Bush, Sr. playing the part of Hinckley.

Kicking off the game, Christina Aguilera and the former President will perform a duet of the National Anthem. Christina did mention in an interview with E! that “… the only thing I’m a little nervous about is when he starts yelling ‘I love pumpkins’ over

This Was One Nasty Casting Couch

and over throughout the song, but other than that, things should go pretty smoothly.” Ronald is going to have a Guitar Hero battle with Slash and then transition straight into a dance-off with Usher with many costume changes throughout. This should be one of the most exciting halftime shows in Super Bowl history, maybe only taking a backseat to actually getting to see Janet Jackson’s teet.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of Lazarus-of-Bethany proportions that only FOX can provide, and have a drink every time you hear our former President of the United States say “Win one for the Gipper”, or whisper “Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzler”.