Anybody who knows us, knows that we at Van Full of Candy like to party. They’re usually tipped off to this fact by us screaming “WE LIKE TO PARTY!” in their face moments before we collapse and begin to evacuate our bladders into our slacks. Over the years fans of distilled spirits have seen their — VROOM!
Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’
Drinking: Too Much vs. Shut Up
March 27th, 2012 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Alcohol, Bar Scene, Drinking, Examination 
Tags: alcohol, Harrison Ford, honour, NIAAA, party, Slurpee, Tequila 
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VFoC Video — “Conversation Starter”
January 6th, 2012 Van Full of Candy You’re at a party, you don’t know anybody except Jim, Jose and Bud. You’re fine with that, but some folks like to “strike up conversations” and “talk to other human beings”. Some others still have tricks that make you start talking to them. These devious cunts make uncomfortable, awkward conversation SEEM like YOUR IDEA! Not — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Featured, Videos Tags: alcohol, bike, cats, Conversation Starter, Homeless, house party, party, ska, swing 3 Comments »GIANT Size Uncanny X-Apendages? Science Says: Shape Matters
December 21st, 2011 Jesse Jones Evolution, it’s happening right now, right under our stupid little noses, which will naturally one day evolve the ability to smell color so that the blind can understand rainbows. But yesterday, Science thought it would share what it had found out about evolution happening a little farther under our noses. Around the area that I’ve — VROOM!
Posted in Comic Books, Science, Sex Tags: alcohol, beetle, evolution, genitals, Giant-Size X-Men, Indiana University, labia, Marvel, penis, Power Rod, vagina, Wolverine, X-Men No Comments »New Study Confirms Drinking Linked to Sex, Sun Linked to Daylight
December 14th, 2011 Jesse Jones Alright every body, hold on to your things which are easily ejected from your person by sudden shock from wholly unbelievable news! Socks, hats, balls and all other comically loose items secured? Alright, you can’t say I didn’t warn you. Here goes… Drinking booze, makes people want to fuck, stupidly! I know. I lost nine good — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Drinking, HIV, Science, Sex Tags: AIDS, alcohol, booze, Canadian study, HIV, Jürgen Rehm, sex, socks, stranger danger, umlaut, unsafe sex No Comments »The Death of Winehouse, Parte the Third: The Resolutioning
October 26th, 2011 Jesse Jones A pathologist says Amy Winehouse consumed a “very large quantity of alcohol” prior to her death. What? Wait, what? No, wait… WHAT?! NO!? WHAT?! Wait, WHAT!?! NO!? Suhail Baithun has told an inquest into the singer’s’ death that blood and urine samples showed she was 4.5 times over the legal drunk-driving limit. Are you– But — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Celebrity, Conspiracy Tags: alcohol, Amy Winehouse, booze, coroner, Highlander, pathologist, toxicology No Comments »Van Full of Booze *hic*
September 10th, 2011 Jesse Jones I’m very committed to Van Full of Candy. I’ve been on vacation. I went to Burning Man last week and left a couple articles in my stead to keep my presence up. I am exceptionally drunk on my 4th Long Island Ice Tea of the evening. But here I am, drunk blogging at nearly midnight — VROOM!
PROOF That Amy Winehouse Was Murdered by Not Drinking!
August 23rd, 2011 Jesse Jones I don’t want to say I told you so. I mean, I’ve told you time and time again about how I hate to be the one to tell you that I told you. If there’s one thing that anyone who knows me can tell you that I’ve told them is that the thing that I — VROOM!
Posted in Addiction, Alcohol, Celebrity, Death Tags: alcohol, Amy Winehouse, appendix, European Tour, small intestine, The Sun 1 Comment »Amy Winehouse: Sobered to Death!
July 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones What is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon of gin? NOT doing that exact thing. Amy Winehouse, VOICE of a TENTH of a generation and general pile of human mess, did not die as a result of the excesses of a lifestyle that made her biggest — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Busy Body, Celebrity, Entertainment News Tags: alcohol, Amy Winehouse, drunk, Earth, Family, fluids, gin, No, Norse Myth, Rehab, Roman Orgy, Sheen, sober, Spider-Man, vodka 1 Comment »Bulls and Beers: Nothing to Fear
July 7th, 2011 Jesse Jones People do stupid things. To be more accurate, college aged kids do stupid things. To be even more accurate, drunken, college aged kids do stupid things. I wouldn’t know, I was torn from the thigh of Zeus, fully formed, wizened beyond reason and sent here to entertain the masses with my razor sharp wit and imaginative — VROOM!
Posted in Alcohol, Busy Body, Health Tags: alcohol, binge drinking, bulls, college, cunt, goring, Pamplona, penis, psychology, shot, Spain, University of Washington, Zeus No Comments »Celebrity News: So Crazy, it's True
June 24th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Celebrities, they’re who we pretend we’re having sex with when we’re just giving it to the ol’ lady because it feels like it’s probably about time that we should. Celebrities live lives that are too ridiculous to be believed most of the time, flying around the world and being interviewed about the latest thing they — VROOM!
