Happy goddamn 200th birthday Charles D., you ornery quill pen scribblin’ literary pimp. You’re lookin’ pretty good for being a couple Benjamins old, what’s your secret? Bikram yoga? Damn, that’s pretty badass Chuck. You don’t mind if I call you Chuck do ya? I tried that hot yoga shit once and damn near pulled my — VROOM!
Posts Tagged ‘Birthday’
It’s Charles “Mutha Fuckin’” Dickens’s Birthday Yo!
February 7th, 2012 
Jason Whitesel 
Posted in Books, Comedy, Drinking, History 
Tags: 2Pac, 40 oz, A Christmas Carol, Avatar, Birthday, Charles Dickens, LA, New York, Notorious BIG, Tale of Two Cities 
No Comments »And Ode To The Slurpee
July 11th, 2011 Jason Whitesel My dearest Slurpee, you’ve been my friend for many, many years And on this day, when Slurpees are free, I am always brought to tears – I drive around to dozens of 7-11’s today all within my town Getting my fix of sugar and artificial color which makes my face look like a clown - — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Food, Holiday, Poetry Tags: 7-11, Birthday, Brainfreeze, Fanta, Free Slurpee Day, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Slurpee, Twizzler 1 Comment »Happy Birthday iPhone, You Skinny Bitch
June 29th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been four whole years since we started dating. It only seems like yesterday when your camera only had 2 megapixels and you still had your cute baby fat which I was really attracted to. You were such a simpler girlfriend back then, so much nicer, you used to be — VROOM!
Posted in Apple, Comedy, Holiday, Love, Products, Technology Tags: Anniversary, Apple, Apps, Birthday, Hollywood, iPhone, iPhone 4, Shazam No Comments »Happy Birthday Twitter, You Bedwetter
March 23rd, 2011 Jason Whitesel We didn’t get you a present Hey everyone, want to hear something that nobody cares about? Twitter just turned 5 years old. Big F’ing deal, so did my dog and he still scrapes his ass on the floor. Five! You can’t even really color within the lines yet Twitter, or eat without spillin’ shit — VROOM!
Posted in Rants, Social Media Tags: Birthday, Charlie Sheen, Hashtag, Mashable, Pull Ups, Twitter No Comments »
