Yesterday, VFoC’s own Jesse J. wrote about China and how they’re completely out of control and making us literally shit our pants. Funny he should say SHIT (I could be paraphrasing), because that’s what China is doing to us, YET AGAIN, today. Not only are WE shitting our pants, but the crazy muthafukkin Chinese, well — VROOM!
Posts Tagged ‘China’
Cut It Out China! You're Freaking Us Out!
November 15th, 2011 
Jesse Jones China is going to murder us from the sky! How do I know? The Googles! The Googles told me! … GOOGLES! Alright, let me back up here, this may require slightly more explanation than me shouting “The Googles” at you until it makes sense. That could take days. Days that WE DON’T HAVE! First, take a — VROOM!
Posted in Conspiracy, Examination 
Tags: America 2, Area 51, China, communist, Google, Mars, missile range, Mongolia, Nuclear, Solar, street grid, United States, Washington D.C. 
1 Comment »Van Full of Candy: Hunters of the Impossible!
October 5th, 2011 Jesse Jones Greetings adventurers! It has been many days since our last correspondence, I apologize, I have been kept away from my leisure pursuits by an urgent call from the “scientific” community to a conference of my fellow monster hunters! As you are all keenly aware by now, I am a professional pursuer of the preposterous. A chaser of — VROOM!
Posted in Cryptozoology Tags: Big Foot, Canada, China, Chupacabra, Estonia, Kemerova, Mongolia, Sasquatch, Siberia, Sweden, United Sates, Yeti No Comments »How Much Would You Pay For An Ass Stabbing? But Wait, There's More!
May 25th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Ok seriously China what the fuck is wrong with your peripheral neuropathy? I guess the better question to ask would be “what the fuck is wrong with your cutlery manufacturers”? A few months ago I wrote about a man in China who was stabbed in the head. In the goddamn’d head people! The blade of the knife broke — VROOM!
Posted in Comedy, Products, World News Tags: Anal, China, Ginsu, Knives, Ming Dynasty, Mugging, Neuropathy, Stabbed in Ass, Stabbing No Comments »Finally Science Gets it Right, Introducing: Handjob Bot
May 24th, 2011 Jesse Jones There are many ways to tell when you’ve finally become an unquestioned, dominant global super power. Maybe you’ve dropped a couple nuclear warheads on an enemy, kicked some dirt in their face and asked their quivering corpses, “Now what?!” Perhaps you export all of your worst social trappings to the four corners of the world — VROOM!
Posted in Economy, Science, Technology, World News Tags: america, China, communist, debt, ejaculation, glory hole, handjob, Japanese, mexical supply expo, pixellated, Robot, school girl, stimulation, suck bot, super power, tentacle, tube, USA 2 Comments »Is That A Knife In Your Head Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? (VIDEO)
February 18th, 2011 Jason Whitesel Surgeons in southern China successfully removed a rusty, 10-centimeter knife from the skull of a man. The man shamefully goes by the name of Li Fuyan (which in ancient Chinese writings means Numb Brain). Li has been wandering around China for the last four years with a 4″ knife lodged in his head. AND HE — VROOM!
Posted in Headlines, Health, Opinions, Videos, World News Tags: China, Dumbass, Knife, Knife in head, Li Fuyan, Stabbing, Surgery 2 Comments »Van Full of Candy's 2011 Predictions
January 14th, 2011 Van Full of Candy With the new year, a lot of people like to make predictions about the upcoming hellscape that will be the coming trip around the sun. Impotently grasping for meaning and some illusion of control or understanding in a world where absolutely nothing makes sense. And we’re no different, except for how we’re exactly nothing at — VROOM!
Posted in Predictions Tags: acetaminophen, Ashville, bible, Bin Laden, bird flu, CBS, Charlie Sheen, China, CSI, Dick Van Patten, Eight is Enough, Greenland, Hollywood, Jesus Christ, Justin Bieber, Kardashian, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Law & Order, LeBron James, Michael Vick, Milwaukee Bucks, National Enquirer, NBC, Octamom, Pottery Barn, SPCA, Sting, Ted Williams, Two and a Half Men, Viagra, Zach Galifianakis, zebra 1 Comment »
