MAZELTOV! Oh Justin, we’re so very, very (allegedly) happy for you! I’m sorry this is a couple months late, but to be fair, you’re just finding out about it yourself now aren’t you? Wow, who’d a thunk it? Our little Justin Bieber already a daddy. Seems like just yesterday you were also still a child — VROOM!
Posts Tagged ‘Justin Bieber’
Welcome To (Alleged) Fatherhood Justin
November 2nd, 2011 
Jesse Jones 
Posted in Celebrity, Justin Bieber, Love 
Tags: Baby, bathroom, Disney Channel, Jeopardy, Justin Bieber, Mariah Yeater, paternity, Staples Center, Star 
No Comments »Celebrity News: So Crazy, it's True
June 24th, 2011 Van Full of Candy Celebrities, they’re who we pretend we’re having sex with when we’re just giving it to the ol’ lady because it feels like it’s probably about time that we should. Celebrities live lives that are too ridiculous to be believed most of the time, flying around the world and being interviewed about the latest thing they — VROOM!
The Things We Do For Love
April 28th, 2011 Jesse Jones Love. It’ll make you do crazy things. Like, spell out your crush’s name in alphabet soup and text them a picture of it. Maybe hide little love notes in the Sunday classifieds. Or, if you’re really in love, cut off your beloved’s head in front of a school full of people fully not intending to be covered in neck — VROOM!
Posted in Love, World News Tags: AP, Associated Press, behead, Highlander, India, Justin Bieber, Kill Bill, lovesick, simitar, space, sword 1 Comment »Our Favorite Search Terms of the Week
April 11th, 2011 Jesse Jones Search engines. They’re imprecise, clumsy and ultimately telling of your inner most wants and desires. Your search history is kind of weird and embarrassing, and I’ll give you the same answer that I gave that flasher who lingered a little longer than necessary: no, you can’t look at mine. When you have a website, you get — VROOM!
Posted in Examination, Google Tags: candy, clone, cocks, flasher, girl, global warming, Google, horse lamp, Justin Bieber, kids, kstew, molester, neighborhood, pants, search terms, Steven Tyler, twilight, web site 2 Comments »Justin Bieber Cuts His Hair
February 22nd, 2011 Jason Whitesel Scientists at the Clones ‘R’ Us Laboratories in Santa Monica, California have been on high alert for a new endeavor that is about to come down their cell replicating pipeline. The infamous hairdo of Justin Bieber has been shorn like a little sheep, the exact species that Clones ‘R’ Us have perfected in their duplication — VROOM!
Posted in Celebrity, Entertainment News, Fashion, Headlines, Justin Bieber, Music, Science Tags: Bieber Army, Chia Pet, Cloning, Flowbee, Haircut, Justin Bieber 5 Comments »Van Full of Candy's 2011 Predictions
January 14th, 2011 Van Full of Candy With the new year, a lot of people like to make predictions about the upcoming hellscape that will be the coming trip around the sun. Impotently grasping for meaning and some illusion of control or understanding in a world where absolutely nothing makes sense. And we’re no different, except for how we’re exactly nothing at — VROOM!
Posted in Predictions Tags: acetaminophen, Ashville, bible, Bin Laden, bird flu, CBS, Charlie Sheen, China, CSI, Dick Van Patten, Eight is Enough, Greenland, Hollywood, Jesus Christ, Justin Bieber, Kardashian, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Law & Order, LeBron James, Michael Vick, Milwaukee Bucks, National Enquirer, NBC, Octamom, Pottery Barn, SPCA, Sting, Ted Williams, Two and a Half Men, Viagra, Zach Galifianakis, zebra 1 Comment »
