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American Public School’s New Science Text Book: Cake

They say that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And while anatomy class may disagree, we’re not talking about actual learning here, we’re talking about school! And the plain fact is that the fastest way to an American student’s brain is straight through the pudgy little tum-tum. Originally posted on Your […]

Australia's Great White Shark Is a Weak Ass Bitch

Australian scientists uncovered the eyes of a 500 million year old super predator who dominated the oceans and would be considered in today’s standards, the great white shark of noicepolyolithiorianlike times. Now you’re probably wondering what the hell just finding the eyes has any relevance to this great white Australian discovery right? Well it’s because […]

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This Time For Realzies: Judgement Day, Part 2: The Judgementing

Uh-oh, remember back in May, how the world was supposed to end with a bunch of goody goodies floating up into heaven and flashing their balls at us? And then remember how that didn’t happen and it was all hilarious? And remember how we all laughed at the guy who said the world was going to end […]

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Science: It’s Not an Exact Science

Last week science made a wild ass guess about how many things exist and we were just supposed to let that shit slide… A paper published last week by the scientific journal PLoS Biology, which is a complete fucking guess, says that there are 8.7 million species on Earth. Of which, they completely make up that […]

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Science Hates Your Balls: The War on Sperm

Scientists, in laboratories all over the globe, are busy thinking of new and hilarious ways to make mice fucking even more pointless. But don’t laugh too hard at blank shooting rodents, because science’ll be coming for your testicles next! Since the invention of the penis approximately 47 billion years ago man has been desperately trying to devise ways to control them. They are […]

Mars' Bio Station Alpha: Confirmation by Denial

There is a secret government space station, manned by a co-operative team of humans, aliens and human alien hybrids working together for no doubt nefarious purposes as we speak… on the surface of Mars! How do I know with absolute, unwavering, blind certainty that the crazy thing that I just said is the only pure, true […]

Science: Making the Impossible still more Impossibler

I’m a scientist. And you know what? So are you. You see, the heavy lifting of being a scientist isn’t in proving something as fact, most science isn’t fact. Or in discovering something new, you know how hard that shit is? Most of the stuff around you’s probably been discovered by somebody already. No, what […]