China is going to murder us from the sky! How do I know? The Googles! The Googles told me! … GOOGLES! Alright, let me back up here, this may require slightly more explanation than me shouting “The Googles” at you until it makes sense. That could take days. Days that WE DON’T HAVE! First, take a — VROOM!
Posts Tagged ‘United States’
Your regularly scheduled Van Full of Candy Thursday post has been temporarily delayed due to a sudden, raging Soccer on… We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, we just love Soccer so very, very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the Soccer room to Soccer one out… USA! USA! USA!
It’s no secret that the rich despise the poor. This hatred stems from a couple very different, very dark places in the place that at one time may or may not have housed a soul. Either 1) the rich person was once poor, and the very sight of the un-monied sends shivers down their spine, reminding them of the life — VROOM!
Good news everybody! Tonight the United States Government shuts down! Hooray! Happy Days! Rock ‘n Roll! Someone get me a chung so I can wang the hell out of it! Why good news you may be asking? Well you see, yesterday on Twitter in addressing the imminent shuttering of this grand old nation, I called King. I called — VROOM!
The Department of Homeland Security, the guys responsible for you having to mail yourself your own deoderant and the reason you have an entire hall closet dedicated to your plastic sheeting and duct tape storage, announced this week that they will begin phasing out their color coded terror alert system, and doing away with it completely — VROOM!