OMG Ya’ll! O to the MUTHA FUCKIN’ G!!!
Did you hear? Did you hear the news!? Justin Timberlake owns My[_____]! I know! Well when I heard the news, I leapt out of my chair and kissed the nearest homeless person. Then I gave them a dollar to stop screaming at me.
When we at Van Full of Candy set up our web presence, we had largely ignored My[_____]. Almost solely because it lacked an element of Justin Timberlake ownership. But with the wonderful, magical news this morning that Justin Timberlake (as part of a partnership with Specific Media, but mostly just as Justin Timberlake) had purchased My[_____] from News Corp for only $35 million, (a miniscule fraction of the $580 million hat News Corp had paid for “MySpace” just a few short, heady years ago) I knew that we had to get our My[_____] on and get in on the ground floor of what can only be the single greatest thing to happen to the internet since the invention of the W! Here is the timeline of my throwing myself at the feet of Triple Threat McGee and his new Social Media Empire!
9:24 am: Read that Justin Timberlake personally bought My[_____] with his own gorgeous money.
9:25 am: Opened My[_____] account.
9:26 am: Sat, daydreaming about me and JT hangin’ out, being handsome.
9:31 am: Washed hands, began writing this article.
9:35 am: Posted first My[_____] status update.
9:36 am: Started looking for the perfect Hollywood hot spot for our first Champaign brunch with Justin SexyBack.
9:39 am: Took a break from brunch shopping to read my first My[_____] e-mail!
9:40 am: Visited the theme gallery and customized our profile:
9:43 am: Followed our fave Topics in movies, celeb and TV:
9:52 am: Listened to albums, created playlists, and more:
9:56 am: Didn’t connect with their many curators because I didn’t know what that meant and I was scared…
And then, at 10:25 am, after grooving to the JT express as hard and as loud as I could, I made the big step…
10:26 am: My little heart was broken…
10:27 am: … I cried. I cried so hard that I broke my cryer: I fear I may never be able to cry again.
Why Justin, why would you do this to me? I’ve done so much to show you my love, and this is how my affection is returned?
Sure, maybe I’m not Andy Samberg, maybe I can’t invite you onto my show and write you hilarious songs about boning each other’s parents. Maybe all I can do is love you, with all of my candy clogged heart, from afar, in the hopes that some day, SOME DAY, maybe that love will be returned in kind…
In the meantime, join us on the new JustinSpace page. Friend us, because if Justin sees just how cool and popular we are, surely he will be our friends. We couldn’t win Charlie Sheen’s heart, but please, help us make Justin love us!